The Misconception of Conception: The Texas Heartbeat Act

*This Article Currently Appears in the Tracy Anderson Magazine Fall 2021 Issue

The Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Welcome to the good ‘ole US of A. Land of the free and the brave. And, Texas, the proud owner and divine creator of the Heartbeat Act. Those Texans, so damn creative to come up with legislation that prohibits and criminalizes abortion.

Suppression of Women’s Rights

It is true, Texas stripped women of the right to make decisions that concern their own body. And just like that, with the stroke of a pen, the Heartbeat Act became the law of the land in Texas.  Thank you to the Texas State Legislature and Governor Greg Abbott. Y’all give yourselves a high five for reducing women to chattel. For all you non-lawyer folks, chattel means ‘thing’, or ‘property’.

Indeed. Texas women, consider yourselves owned by Texas men.

I am serious. How did these politicians come up with this law? The last time I checked, politicians, lawyers and judges are not physicians. Hmmm. Who are these people to determine the where and when of abortion?

Check your calendars. Is this not the 21st Century?

I ask y’all: Why is there an overwhelming WANT in this country to suppress the rights of women? For that matter, why do our fellow sisters, our brethren, want to suppress our collective rights? Why?

The Heartbeat Act

The Legislative intent of the Heartbeat Act is to block Texas women from obtaining an abortion. Plain and simple.

The state legislators seemingly picked out of ‘thin air’ a cut-off date as early as 6 weeks for Texans to legally obtain abortions. In law, we call that ‘arbitrary and capricious’, because this statute was not rooted in medical science. Again, the intent was to ban abortions because they wanted to.

Definitions of Statute

Let us together, review the statute, to understand the far-reaching implications of this legislative abomination. In order to understand the meaning of the statute, we first must read the “Definitions” section.

When we read statutes, you must first look at the definitions section of the statute which is the road map to decipher the actual law. Sometimes, statutes are written with lots of fancy, schmancy legalese, to confuse the average person. Yes, it is written to confuse YOU.

It is important to note that the Texas Legislators determined the definitions of these words. Not you. Not me.

The Detection of a Fetal Heartbeat

According to the statute, “…The Heartbeat Act was enacted to amend The Texas Health and Safety Code, Chapter H”. This statute allegedly protects the health of Texans. Wow. Does it really?

The statute defines words, such as ‘Fetal Heartbeat’, ‘Gestational Age’, ‘Gestational Sac’, Pregnancy’, ‘Unborn Child’, and ‘Cardiac Activity’. That is a lot of medical terminology. To reiterate, I had no idea politicians, lawyers, and Greg Abbott knew so much about medicine. Fascinating, right?

When you put all these definitional words together, the Texas legislature banned abortions as early as six weeks.

A question to every woman who has ever been pregnant: Did you know as early as 6 weeks, that you were pregnant? I for one, did not.

Viability of a Fetus

The Heartbeat Act, has determined that a ‘fetus’ is now ‘viable’ as early as 4 weeks into a pregnancy. Did you know that the viability of a fetus is defined as when a fetus can survive outside of the womb? The landmark U.S. Supreme Court Case Roe v. Wade, recognized fetal viability at 24 to 28 weeks.

In fact, this legislation determined a fetus is viable at 4 weeks, when, the State of Texas claims, a fetal heartbeat can be detected via ultrasound. However, many physicians will assert that at 4 weeks, the ‘fetus’ is an embryo, and a human heart is not developed yet. Thus, it can be argued, that the alleged heartbeat is really an electronic flicker that the ultrasound recorded rather than a human heartbeat.

For purposes of this statute, the ‘fetal’ viability clock starts ticking from the first day of a woman’s last menstrual cycle (also known as ‘period’).

Once again, I ask all women who menstruate: Do you know the last day of your menstrual cycle? I for one, when I had menstrual cycles, never knew the last day.

I ask women who have ever been pregnant: Did you know as early as 4 weeks, which was calculated from the first day from your last menstrual cycle, that you were pregnant? When I was trying to get pregnant, I did not have any idea that I was pregnant at 4, 5, 6, or 7 weeks. Really.

Not surprising that many women do not know they are pregnant. As a matter of fact, the only way you can tell if you are pregnant, is when you ‘skip’ or ‘miss’ a menstrual cycle, which typically occurs 2 weeks after conception. And by the way, many women’s menstrual cycles, are not timely and punctual. They are erratic. Thus, if a woman’s ‘period’ is ‘late’ by a few weeks, not all women would suspect a pregnancy. Under this common scenario, a woman may learn she is 7 or 8 weeks pregnant by taking a pregnancy test at home.

The problem with real life and this statute, is that when a woman finally is examined by a doctor to confirm a pregnancy, she could be 9 weeks pregnant. In Texas, a woman no longer has the right to choose what is right for her and her family.

Compelling State Interest to Protect

Now, the statute cites that Texas has a compelling interest from the outset of a woman’s pregnancy to protect the health of the woman and the life of the unborn child.

Ask yourself: Do they really have a compelling interest to protect the health of the woman and the life of the unborn child?

According to the statute, Texas wants the Woman to ‘make an informed choice about whether to continue her pregnancy’, specifically, that ‘the pregnant woman has a compelling interest in knowing the likelihood of her unborn child surviving to full-term birth based on the presence of cardiac activity’. This is ludicrous for the reasons previously set forth. Most women do not know they are pregnant at 6 weeks; for that matter, at this juncture of the pregnancy it is difficult to medically determine whether the embryo will survive full-term.

Quite the contrary, this legislation limits health care to women and the unborn child. The legislation does not take into consideration the health of the woman, nor the health of the fetus.

Misconception of Conception

There is a misconception as to how women view an abortion.

  1. I have never met a woman who was ‘eager’ to have an abortion.
  2. I have never met a woman who used abortion as a form of birth control.

Walk in My Shoes

How do I know this? Walk in my shoes. I had an abortion 23 years ago, almost to the day of writing this article. There. I said it out loud.

I have finally decided to share my life experience, because I believe it unequivocally provides clarity as to why the Texas Statute does not protect a pregnant Woman or the Unborn Child.

Quite the contrary. The Heartbeat Act is cruel and inhumane, because it sets forth specific dates that define in-utero developmental milestones not rooted in medical science and disregards the health, safety and welfare of both mother and unborn child.

The consequences of this ban on abortion are in truth, far more emotionally and physically detrimental than the actual abortion.

In simple terms, the Heartbeat Act is a wolf dressed as a lamb. Governor Abbott and the Texas State Legislature have no interest in protecting the health, safety and welfare of both the woman and unborn child. Rather, this Act promotes their own agenda to ban abortion at the behest of all people.

If I lived in Texas now and chose to have a baby, my pregnancy would be subjected to the Heartbeat Act.

My Story

My husband and I are carriers of the Tay-Sachs gene, which is a fatal genetic illness that emerges when a  baby is 6 months old. As my doctor told me, babies born with Tay-Sachs are beautiful, have piercing blue-eyes and blond hair. At 6 months of age, all of the motor skills a baby has developed up to that point, such as sitting up, rolling over and crawling come to an absolute, sudden HALT. The baby will go blind, deaf, and experience severe mental retardation. Typically, a Tay-Sachs baby lives between the ages of 4-7. However, due to modern medicine, the child, could ‘live’ longer. Clearly, this would be no ‘life’. It would be torture for the baby/child and mother. The baby would have to be institutionalized. Horrible.

When both prospective mother and father test positive for Tay-Sachs, there is a 1 in 4 chance the baby will be born with the disease. To be clear, for each pregnancy, there is a 25% chance the baby could be born with the disease.

In truth, despite the fact we were both carriers, I did not believe there was a chance that we could possibly have a child diagnosed with that terrible disease. The odds seemed so remote at the time to me. You know, the ‘that will never happen to us’ scenario.

23 years ago, I learned I was pregnant with my second child. My pregnancy was confirmed approximately in the 8th week. If this were Texas, I would not be permitted to choose to have an abortion.

When my doctor confirmed my pregnancy, he discussed 2 tests I could take to determine whether the baby had Tay-Sachs.

Test #1 was a ‘Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS)’ performed no earlier than the 10th week of pregnancy. CVS is a prenatal test in which a sample of chorionic villi is removed from the placenta for testing.

Test #2 was an ‘Amniocentesis’ (Amnio) performed no earlier than the 16th week of pregnancy. The Amnio is a procedure in which amniotic fluid is removed from the uterus for testing or treatment.

I elected to take the CVS test because I could get the results earlier in the pregnancy. The sooner to know whether the baby had this fatal disease, the better. Right?

In the 10th week of my pregnancy, I took the CVS test. The test proved to be extremely painful. I actually thought I would pass out during the test. After 2 failed attempts to get a sample, we had to end the test. I physically could not endure the pain.

Thus, I had to wait to take the Amnio. I can assure you, there is a big difference from the 10th to the 16th week of pregnancy. I was now in my second trimester and was sporting a little ‘belly’. Even had a bit of that pregnancy ‘glow’.

In the 16th week of that pregnancy, my doctor performed the Amnio. It takes 2 weeks to get the test results.

In the 18th week of that pregnancy, my doctor personally called me, and told me the baby did have Tay-Sachs. It was as if the world stopped. My doctor was sensitive to my disappointment, shock, and sadness. He proved to be my guardian angel for the next few weeks, months and years.

In addition to my doctor, a counselor from the genetic center at the hospital immediately phoned me, to also give me emotional support and guidance as to ‘next-steps’. According to several of my physicians, including religious advisors, the only option was to have an abortion. If this were Texas, I would not be permitted to choose to have an abortion.

We all concurred it would be cruel and inhumane for this innocent child to suffer from Tay-Sachs. 

The Late-Term Abortion

I was now 18 weeks pregnant with a fetus that had a fatal genetic illness. Upon my consent, my doctor immediately made an appointment for me to see another doctor to perform the late-term abortion. If this were Texas, I would not be permitted to choose to have an abortion, nor would a doctor be permitted to schedule an abortion.

To make matters worse, we were about to celebrate my first born child’s second birthday.

Literally, the next day, I met the doctor who would perform the abortion.  In truth, all I can remember is his smile. Oh, and he promised me that in the future, I will be able to conceive 50 babies. Apparently, late-term abortions are not so easy, and a skilled physician is required to perform this procedure.

I considered myself to be blessed. Even then, despite my heartache and despair, I wondered what less fortunate women would do in my situation.

I had no fear. I put my life in the hands of this experienced physician, who, along with my regular OB-GYN, guided me through this dramatic life experience.

To understand this timeline of events, it is the 18th week of my pregnancy. Within 2 days of learning the fetus I was carrying had the fatal genetic illness Tay-Sachs, I was scheduled for an abortion at an abortion clinic in NYC. If this were Texas, my doctors would be precluded from scheduling an abortion.

In truth, never in my life did I ever entertain the idea of having an abortion. However, never in my life did I ever know that my husband and I would be carriers of a fatal genetic illness. If this were Texas, my husband would have been accused of ‘aiding and abetting’ an abortion and be fined $10,000 for taking me to the clinic. I know. So hard to believe, but that is the Texas law.

Behind the façade of a very tall NYC building, was a non-descript abortion clinic tucked away. Hidden from the world. No signage, no labels. It looked like a business office from the hallway. Why so clandestine?

The year was 1998: At that time, it was common to see anti-abortion activists protest in front of medical facilities where abortions were performed. There were a few instances where these facilities were the target of violence, such as bombings, vandalism and arson. In October 1998, a physician who performed abortions, was specifically targeted and murdered at his home. Clearly, these were turbulent times.

My doctor scheduled this procedure at a clinic, and not in a hospital, for the sole reason that the clinic had up-to-date medical equipment to perform a late-term abortion. My health was a priority, and my doctors wanted me to be able to conceive future children. Again, if this were Texas, this would not be an option.

After the procedure, I awoke in a large room that must have had at least 12 beds for women to recover post-operative. One by one, we woke up. As I lay in my bed, I looked to the left, I looked to the right. Women of all colors, nationalities, and religions were just like me. The only difference was we came from different neighborhoods.

When we were still laying in our respective beds, we all started to talk to each other. This proved to be a life-altering moment for me. First of all, everyone was sad. Not one person was happy. Second, everyone was honest. Of course, we were, we had no choice, we were coming out of anesthesia. Third, everyone had an incredible reason for choosing to have an abortion. And not one reason was for birth control.

In truth, I loved each and every one of those women. This experience is something that I have carried with me for 23 years.

Fortunately, my wonderful doctors gave me the best medical care. And as my doctor promised, once I was fully recovered, I learned I was pregnant. This time, after waiting for the amnio results at 18 weeks, my doctor happily congratulated me that the baby was healthy.

No Badge of Honor

Abortion is a personal, private choice. There is no badge of honor awarded for choosing to have an abortion. Alternatively, a woman should not be shamed to wear a Scarlett letter for choosing to have an abortion.

In truth, no one understands what it means to have an abortion. Unless, of course, you chose to have one.

Please do not limit, restrict or ban my right to an abortion unless you have walked in my shoes.

COVID GONE VIRAL!

Go Away! NOW!

I do declare that COVID has gone viral!

Like duh! Yes, indeed, that genius pun came to me last night as I was
sippin’ a fine libation.

The things I think of. Oy. I know, pure genius. So, blessed. Not easy
beinGay!

Love Thy Neighbor

Yes…no. Love thy whaaaat?

Word on the street, is that the COVID family has moved to my neighborhood.

Sistahs, as it says in the good book, ‘love thy neighbor’. Amen.

Well, sometimes you can. Not all the time. I don’t love thy neighbors who
are loud at night, don’t spray for ticks, cut their lawns on Saturday mornings
and use their goddamn blowers for hours. At this point, it does not matter if
they don’t even say hello to me. Or, for that matter, acknowledge my existence.
Whateva.

Oy… But those COVIDS. That’s a whole ‘notha story. And no… I do not love,
nor do I want, them as my neighbor.

Why do you ask? I have heard rumors about them. Like OMG!

In truth, I have no idea if they bought a home or are just renting. You
know, peeps here in the Hamptons are so damn ‘private’.

As of this writing, the COVIDS are ensconced in their McMansion that is akin
to a fortress. 40 foot hedges and a driveway gate afford them privacy, not to
mention anonymity.

Who knows if the COVIDS plan to stay here permanently?

The Yentas (Yiddish for chatty peeps) in the neighborhood, have heard the
COVIDS are part of a cult, and may just be in our neighborhood for a few weeks.
They just don’t know.

Apparently, the COVIDS want to spread the gospel. You know, the
good word that hails from the good book they preach every day, all day,
anywhere, everywhere up close and in yo’ face!

Who are the COVIDS?

Well… I personally never met the COVIDS, although my neighbor, Linda, says
they are terrible people. Linda reads a lot of news, including but not limited
to People, Star and US Magazine, and she told me the COVID family are not nice.

Linda just knows ‘things’.

Linda knows a lot about psychology, and she said ‘all the COVIDS, including
their kids, are psychopaths and narcissists’. Oy vey, talk about a one-two punch!
With the COVIDS, it’s always about ‘me, me, me’. They want all the attention.
The COVIDS literally suck all the air out of a room.

Origins of COVIDS

Many Hampton peeps are captivated by the COVIDS. Why, I have no idea. The
COVIDS are in fact a mystery to most. Perhaps this is why the rich and famous
find the COVIDS so alluring. Where are the COVIDS from? What was the origins of
their wealth? Why is their gospel so contagious? Why do rumors about the COVIDS
go viral?

COVID Gatherings

Apparently, the COVIDS love get-togethers. They host large parties inside
their home — they are known to ‘pack people in’. The COVIDS claim the ‘more the
merrier’, although I question their real motive.

Guests have complained it is very difficult to breath inside the COVID’S
McMansion; apparently it is so ‘stuffy’ inside. The COVIDS refuse to open a
window to let fresh air in the house. Apparently, ‘they like it that way’!
Weird…right?

Now, my neighbor Linda, also told me that when the COVIDS have large gatherings,
for some strange reason, someone always faints or gets really sick. I have
gatherings, and no one faints or gets really sick.

Linda said she ‘peered through the hedges, and saw an ambulance show up at
their house during one of these so-called ‘gatherings’. So odd. Right? I don’t
recall ever having an ambulance show up at my house.

What is even more concerning, is that Linda says within days after these
events at their home, the COVID family gets larger. Yes, they multiply. At an
amazing rate.

Everywhere you turn there is another COVID.

How can that be? They obviously do not practice ‘safe sex’. Wear a mask
buddy… oh wait… I meant condom.

Never Met a COVID!

I for one, never met a COVID. But rumor has it, they are dirty people. They
are not clean. Can you imagine? I hear they do not wash their hands, at least
not to the tune of Happy Birthday for 18 seconds.

In fact, when they move into a neighborhood, they bring their garbage with
them
. Did you ever hear of such a thing? I for one, have not.

The nerve of them. I mean I have to pay to have my garbage picked up. They
apparently leave it all over their house.

Clearly, they do not care that they spread germs. My neighbor Linda heard
that the COVIDS do not even have Clorox Wipes, Lysol Spray and Purell in their
house. Not even tushy baby wipes!

OMG! I ask you… Who does not have Clorox Wipes, Lysol Spray and Tushy wipes
in their house in this day and age? Really?

The COVIDS are shameless people. I have real concerns. They might just show
up at my front door one day, unannounced of course, to simply ‘introduce
themselves’. Ugh. And on top of it, I am sure they will want to invade my
personal space, and stand less than 6 feet apart from me, want to shake my hand
and greet me with a hug and a kiss. Totally gross.

I assume the COVIDS will then push their way into my house, so they can
spread their gospel. They are insidious! They just want everyone to be a member
of their cult.

Like don’t they know this is the Hamptons? On second thought… everyone here
is a follower. Never mind.

NIMBY!

Not In My Back Yard! I am doing everything in my power to make the COVIDS
move away. Like to another planet.

I must confess. I too am a member of a cult. I am a DAF. That is the
abbreviation for the Dr. Anthony Fauci cult. He is my spiritual leader. In our
daily prayer group zoom meetings, Dr. Fauci has told us about the COVIDS.

Fauci says, ‘Beware of the COVIDS; they do not have altruistic motives. They
proselytize to exponentially grow their cult’.

Our leader has advised us to stay away from the COVIDS. The DAF spiritual
teachings make us adhere to a daily protocol to keep the COVIDS out of our home
and neighborhood.

1. Wear a Mask.

2. Get Vaccinated.

3. Get a Booster Shot.

4. Wash your Hands.

5. Do not attend larger indoor parties with strangers.

This protocol is not too difficult to follow. However, for some it can be.

Since we live in the land of the free, some folks don’t want to wear a mask,
or get a vaccine. Okay, I get it. Some folks choose instead to drink Clorox or
get a prescription for a horse de-worming drug. Seems a bit drastic to me, but
I guess it works for some people. Whateva’ floats your boat, or de-worms your
intestines.

On second thought, could be a good remedy for chronic constipation. I wonder
why my Doctor never prescribed this treatment?

End of Summer

The good news for the Hamptons, is that it is the end of the summer, and the
parties are over. People are closing up their summer homes, going back to work,
and kids are returning to school. I suppose the COVIDS will just pack up and
find another place to spread their charm and gospel. At least the Hamptons can
breathe a sigh of relief.

I just wonder…where will the COVIDS turn up next? Or are they already living
right next door to you?


SUPER-SPREADER EVENT!

Bagel Spread

Omg! I believe, I just might have attended a Super-Spreader Event! And no, this does NOT excite me.

The mere thought of attending a Super-Spreader causes me to break out in hives, night-sweats, and insomnia between the hours of 12:30am -3:30am. This culminates in uncontrollable bouts of anxiety.

Hallelujah girlfriends! This happens every day, but at least I finally have a good excuse.

Vaccination Defense

Y’all know that I am vaccinated. But I wonder… is the person standing next to me vaccinated? I just don’t know. At night, anyone can tell I am vaccinated because I glow in the dark since I received my 2nd dose. Although, during the day, you just can’t tell.

Interestingly, a friend of mine, told me since they received their 2nd dose, their brain is now wired to a certain radio frequency and speaks to new friends on Mars. I had no idea. You just don’t know.

My point is…you just don’t know who is vaccinated.

The Memorial Tribute

The event I attended was a ‘Memorial Tribute’. Yes, it was very sad. We lost the beautiful Sistah Hillary.

The Memorial was a celebration of life amidst the tears. For selfish, personal, mental health reasons, I shall attempt to inject some humor into this period of mourning. In my heart, I know Hillary would have appreciated some smiles and laughter.

How to Host a Memorial Tribute During A Pandemic

I know what y’all thinking… how do you host a Memorial during another resurgence of COVID? Well, if the Eagles can perform indoors at Madison Square Garden with thousands of fans, then you can welcome people into your small home.

But really? Can you?

COVID Super-Spreader Criteria

Did you ever wonder…What criteria determines a Super-Spreader Event? I am an attorney. I view this as a legal question. I want to know the following:

1. Is there a magical number of attendees required to be classified as ‘Super-Spreader’?

2. What exempts an event from Super-Spreader status?

3. If all attendees are vaccinated and wear masks, is the event exempt from Super-Spreader status?

4. Was the Memorial a Super-Spreader?

5. What would Judge Judy rule?

The Spreading Event

Let’s set the scene. The Memorial was in New Jersey. I know. Don’t ask. I never go to Jersey. I go to Jersey to drive to Philadelphia. And I rarely go to Philly. I am just not a Jersey Girl (sorry Bruce).

I currently live on Long Island, New York. The drive to/from New Jersey is never, ever good. You must travel on an Expressway, or Turnpike, or Parkway, or a Highway, or sometimes, all of the above if the traffic is really bad. Then you must drive on a Bridge or through a Tunnel.

And the girlfriends in LA think the traffic is bad there. Now that is a joke. But really, what do they know?

The Memorial was scheduled for a Saturday and Sunday. A reasonable thinking person (a legal standard) would think the traffic from Long Island to Jersey on a Saturday or Sunday would be ‘light’, as compared to a weekday. Remember, despite popular belief, we are still in the middle of a pandemic.

And guess what? I drove on Saturday from Long Island to Jersey, and the traffic was terrible. Unbearable is a better word. Yes, I drove for a total of 6 hours that day.

Did anyone receive the pandemic A.K.A. COVID memo? Where you goin’? I suppose everyone is goin’ everywhere! Pandemic, schmandemic!

The Weather

The weather was picture perfect. A delightful summer day…at least 96 degrees, not including the heat index that gave it a ‘real feel’ of 102 degrees. Stagnant Jersey air. Help. Me. Please.

As a result of the oppressive heat, the Memorial had to be held indoors. Question to the reasonable thinking person: ‘You servin’ tuna salad sandwiches on your picnic table outside in 102 degree heat?’ I don’t think so! Judge Judy would concur.

Excuse me…You Vaccinated?

The hosts of the Memorial, Mark and Shelby, were overwhelmed by the outpouring of love for Sistah Hillary. However, they were shiattin’ in their pants by the amount of folks that showed up in-person to their home. Yes ma’m.

A nice home for a family of 4. Does not quite work for a Memorial of at least 30 folks during a pandemic.

Excuse me…are you vaccinated? I just don’t know.

Keep in mind, these folks are not strangers. They are close friends and family. They are sad. They are grievin’. They want lovin; they need touchin’. They want to hug and kiss you. And directly talk to you, right in yo’ face. Forget the COVID 6 feet distance rule. We be conversin’ 1.5 feet apart. Indeed. All these peeps be standin’ in your personal COVID free space, which is all happenin’ inside of a house in Jersey.

Let me remind y’all. There is a pandemic goin’ on. Yes ma’m.

Entry Requirement

In a perfect world, Mark and Shelby could have erected a sentry post on their driveway. You betcha baby, why not require all guests to show Proof of Vaccine via CDC Card, NYS Excelsior Pass, or QR Code. But that could prove to be difficult to execute — they would have to determine which cards were made in China and counterfeit.

Alternatively, they could have administered a PCR test. The good news, is that test is a nasal swab, and thankfully NOT an anal swab. No matter, still too invasive- I can’t imagine Mark telling 88 year-old cousin Murray “to hold still” while he sticks a swab up his nose.

Masks

I observed with my keen eagle eyes, that most guests entered the house with a mask. So thoughtful.

Oh yeah baby, many guests entered the home with a heavy heart and a mask held in their hand. It seemed that no one knew if masks were required to be worn in the home, so they opted to hold the mask.

Think about it for a moment. Masks are the perfect accessory to wear at a Memorial. Men (and women in menopause) do not have to shave their beards; women (and maybe some men) do not have to wear make-up; and when you get weepy, you just blow your nose into your mask. Who needs tissues when you wear a mask? I certainly don’t. True.

I know. The things I think of…right?

The Spread

Let me be the first to say, that Mark and Shelby, know how to host a pandemic event.

Oy vey! I am not talkin’ spread of germs. Although, I believe I have established that the spreadin’ of germs was rampant throughout their small Jersey home that day. And yes, the Learned Judge Judy would concur.

Forget about the spread of germs. Who cares? Germs, schmerms. Whateva!

I am talkin’ spread of food. Mark and Shelby said, “We have so much food. Go to the kitchen and eat…please… “. True.

In my tribe, food is the best medicine to treat sadness. Although my neighbor Linda, would politely disagree and toss you a Zoloft, a Valium, or a Klonopin and wash it down with a Gin and Tonic. In fact, if times are really tough, take ’em all!

Unbeknownst to most folks, Mark and John (Hillary’s husband) snuck out of the Memorial to buy a 2nd refrigerator to store all the anticipated leftovers. And yes, Hillary would have approved. I wish they asked me to go with them…anything to get out of that small house in Jersey in 102 degree heat.

Where’s the Kitchen

Where was the food located? In the kitchen, like duh?! And where was the kitchen located? In the back of the house.

You had 2 choices to get to the kitchen. You had to first walk through the entry foyer, where you were greeted by people. Then you could either walk through the dining room or living room to get to the kitchen. Certainly, there was no clear path to the kitchen.

Now, on the way to the kitchen, there were a lot of ‘social-pit-stops’. Keep in mind there were a lot of Jewish and Irish folk at this event. A very chatty group of people. There was absolutely no way in hell you could make it to the kitchen before speaking to at least 20 people. I felt COVID ‘safe’ when I spoke to folks who held their mask. Gave a wonderful, false sense of security. Mind you, Judge Judy would call me an ‘arse’.

Good news! I finally made my way to the kitchen. It was like making it to a finish line!

A nice size kitchen for a family of four. A small kitchen for 20 people, who were elbowing each other for food. Again, so wonderful to be crammed into a small space during COVID.

Oh, and by the by. At this point, no one holding their mask in their hand. It was probably shoved in their pocket. Like duh, you need 2 hands to hold a plate and pile on the food.

On the bright side, there was so much food. So many choices! Turkey, Roast Beef, Pastrami Sandwiches, all on Rye Bread. Is there anything better? Then there were spreads of mustard, russian dressing and mayo.

What? You don’t want a sandwich? Oh, you want a bagel. It was a quick sidestep to the bagel area. Remember, this is a small house in Jersey, you can’t land a plane in this kitchen.

Whatever! So many different kinds of bagels: you got your plain, poppy, sesame, everything bagel. Oh, and there were lots of spreads for the bagel. You had your plain, scallion and vegetable cream cheeses; white fish salad; tuna salad; egg salad. Oy, and then you need to add a slice of tomato and onion to your bagel.

But wait…there’s spreads! Gimme the coleslaw, potato salad, macaroni salad and pickles.

Last, but not least, there was the desserts. Oy!

I told you, this was a Super-Spreader Event.

In Memoriam

Hillary was a beautiful human being, who was effervescent. Her zest for love, life, family, and friends was remarkable. She married a wonderful man, John, akin to manna from heaven. John was a package deal: he came with 2 kids, a girl and boy, and they became a family. These were exceptionally happy years.

Hillary was blessed.

Unfortunately, Hillary was taken to soon in life. She succumbed to the same illness as her mother, and grandmother. Although, one could say Hillary was lucky: she made it to age 47. She lived 8 years longer than her mother. But that was still not long enough. We all wanted more.

As her father so eloquently eulogized, ‘her passing does not follow the natural order of things in life’. As we all know, children, even adult children, should never, ever, predecease their parents.

In the last years of her life, she was fearless. And with her shining Knight by her side, anything could be overcome. Or at least she tried.

Hillary was blessed with a stepmother, who raised her as her own daughter. The word ‘stepmother’ was replaced with the word ‘mom’. Hillary’s mom loved her, cared for her, and was by her side to the very end.

Her brother Mark, 14 months her senior, loved her. And her sister, Lauren, adored her. In fact, resembles her.

Hillary’s family was her Village, her light, and endless source of love and energy. They all stood vigil by her bedside; taking turns to make sure Hillary was never alone.

May Hillary live on in our minds and hearts for eternity.

May her memory be a blessing.

VACCINE HESITANT?

Really? The phrases our society comes up with these days…

Pandemic Life OVER!

I for one, thought COVID was in my rear-view mirror. Or that is what I wanted to believe.

Yeah baby! I began to embrace the new ‘roaring 20’s’ and was makin’ plans! For many months, we have been dining indoors at restaurants (a novel concept), welcoming friends and family inside our home (another novel concept), scheduled a vacation (bought airplane tickets and paid in advance for hotels, and wait for it, got tickets to see the Eagles perform live at Madison Square Garden in NYC in 2 weeks! Imagine that! I know! I just blew your mind!

Delta Variant

Well, the party train is slowin’ down. Shiat! To my dismay, the new ‘Delta’ COVID strain , is spreadin’ like wildfire throughout the good ‘ole U.S. of A., latching on to our fellow peeps who ‘chose’ not to get vaccinated.

Freedom to Choose

Once again, who comes up with these phrases?

When I was in law school, like 100 years ago, the best class (in my esteemed opinion) I took was Constitutional Law. Oh yes! One full year of reading and analyzing the legal cases that were argued before and ultimately decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. I was fascinated by the historical development of case law that culminated in Landmark Decisions rendered by the Court.

Clearly, I was profoundly mesmerized by the U.S. Constitution, which became my legal ‘bible’.

To this day, it is ingrained in my soul that the U.S. Constitution is a masterpiece…drafted by our ‘forefathers’ to be a ‘living, breathing’ document to be interpreted to grow with a young nation. Yes, to grow with an ever-changing society, to afford inalienable rights to ‘We the People’ to flourish.

Let’s just cut to the chase. What does any of this constitutional hyperbole have to do with COVID-19?

News flash Sistahs: During a global pandemic, there is no freedom to choose to take a vaccine. It is not a choice. It is a responsibility to your countrymen and women, your family, friends, and to yourself.

The Global Stage

In my experience as a human being living amongst other humans in a global society, I thought we had a responsibility to each other.

Somewhere along the way, thanks to the invention of ‘social media’, ‘rumors’ evolved into fake news. The mass dissemination of false information, has splintered our society. We no longer ‘love they neighbor’.

The sad part of this tale, is that the people who exercised their self-proclaimed ‘freedom of choice’ to not get the COVID vaccine, are the same people who are suffering the most from COVID now. It pains me to see my fellow countrymen hospitalized and gravely ill with COVID. This scenario is so tragic, because the vaccine would have limited the severity of this virus, prevented the increase in hospitalizations and countless deaths.

Vaccines and Urban Legends

I can understand why anyone could be ‘vaccine hesitant’. However,…is a person’s reluctance to take a lifesaving vaccine premised upon scientific information or urban legends?

COVID-19 Vaccine Urban Legends

1. The Government, or Microsoft, or Aliens have implanted a Computer Chip into each vaccine.

2. The Computer Chip can ‘track’ your movement.

3. The Vaccine can make you magnetic.

4. Yes, Magnetic: I actually saw on television a woman claim she was ‘magnetized’ by the vaccine, as she desperately tried to show how a spoon can attach to her chest.

5. FYI: The Spoon did not attach to her chest. It attached to the ground, because it fell there.

6. On a personal note, I believe my husband implanted a computer chip years ago in my tush; that man knows when I am sneakin’ into TJ Maxx!

COVID-19 Vaccine Scientific Information

1. Yes, COVID Vaccines are ‘New’.

2. Many people are not aware of the extensive global effort put forth to develop COVID Vaccines.

3. Many people do not know that the Pfizer and Moderna mRNA technology has been studied for over 30 years.

4. Many people do not know that the mRNA vaccines will eventually provide new treatments for autoimmune illnesses, because they do not suppress the immune system.

Prior to the availability of the COVID vaccine, I spoke with all my physicians regarding the safety and efficacy of the vaccine.

Girlfriends, I have a lot of physicians. It is hard to believe, but most of them are way smarter than me. Yes, I defer to their medical backgrounds and experience. All my physicians unanimously told me to get the COVID vaccine.

Pandemic NOT OVER!

This freakin’ pandemic is totally not over. I am NOT a happy camper. I do not want to continue to live in this COVID nightmare.

For instance. Yesterday, I was at the local supermarket, and I needed to get a dish detergent — ‘Dawn Power Spray’ (amazing for the cleaning up dishes, pots, pans). When I approached the detergent aisle, I was in shock!

Deja vu! Several shelves were empty! It was COVID II re-boot. I felt light-headed and almost hyper-ventilated in my mask. A grocery employee was in that aisle (less than 6 feet away from me), and I asked, “What happened? Why are the shelves empty?” The employee replied, “Don’t you know… there is a pandemic goin’ on, and there is a shortage of truckers, and supplies”. Oh, thank you. Like I did not know there was a pandemic happenin’.

Oh, and by the way, if you have not noticed when you are inside stores, most if not all the employees and many customers are wearing masks. Again.

Excuse me…are you wondering why peeps are wearin’ masks? According to my physicians, “a mask must be worn indoors to protect the vaccinated from the unvaccinated”.

The New Reality

Clearly, we all will be living with COVID for year years to come. The only way We the People will overcome this pandemic, is to vaccinate. Period, end of story.

MASK UP!

COVID RE-BOOT!

Mask Up! (Braces Optional!)

It’s happenin’ again! Shiat!

Time to wear the mask baby! Whether you like it or not, COVID is here to stay. Think of this as shiat on a shoe. Even if you think you removed it from your shoe, it’s still there. That smell. You just can’t get rid of it.

This is analogous to COVID. Get it?

COVID is NOT goin’ away. At least not until more people get vaccinated.

I for one, never had COVID. I have no idea why I did not catch this virus, or, shall I say, COVID never caught me. However, I march on!

Dr. Fauci’s COVID Prevention Tips

I have done everything my spiritual leader Dr. Fauci requested

  1. Wear a mask indoors at public places.
  2. I got vaccinated.
  3. I wash my hands all day long.
  4. I take a shower at least once a day (for good measure).

Dr. Fauci’s COVID Prevention List is based on Science. However, in addition to Fauci’s list, we Hot Mamas need to follow a COVID Prevention List that is an outgrowth of everyday life.

I don’t know about y’all, but I have created my own COVID Prevention Tips List which is based on Gay’s Common Sense.

Gay’s COVID Prevention Tips not Mentioned by Dr. Fauci:

1. Get SCOPE/Breath Freshener Spray for your breath! When you wear a mask, FYI, your breath stinks!

2. Wear a mask in bed: for relationships that are falling apart due to the pandemic, masking is a great excuse, I mean priceless opportunity to ‘stay safe’.

3. For Vaccinated families: Too much togetherness! INfighting has returned! Don’t we know it honey! That Delta Variant is yet another great excuse for postponing family gatherings.

4. If you are shopping at TJ Maxx and you see another hot mama checkin’ out a designer label dress in your size, feign a coughing attack! Watch everyone run away from you! Go in for the kill and grab the dress!

5. Remember, coughing is the new fart!

Stay tuned…tomorrow is another day!