SPILLAGE AISLE 10!

Louisiana Red Hot Sauce

Dear Ms. Manners,

Last weekend, I shopped for groceries at the King Kullen Supermarket in Bridgehampton, NY.

If you did not know, Bridgehampton is located in the Hamptons. You know, the place where the beautiful, rich and famous peeps frolic.

Well, I go grocery shopping every single goddamn day. Sadly, I do not have a Chef, a Butler, a Personal Assistant, a Personal Trainer, etc. . I know Ms. Manners. Can you imagine? And I live in the Hamptons in the summer. Totally embarrassing.

My shopping experience was different this time. I came upon a major spillage in Aisle 10.

It was a total ‘hit and run.’ A real crime scene. ‘Someone’ knocked over several  Louisiana Red Hot Sauce Bottles. If y’all don’t know, this is one of the ingredients used to make spicy hot chicken wings.

And this really looked like a crime scene. The employees had the aisle roped off with yellow tape, the kind that the Police use. And this was a problem for me, I needed to go down that aisle. I had to get the Grey Poupon Mustard, which was stocked next to the Hot Sauce.

When I arrived at the crime scene, there was not one, not two, not three, not even four broken bottles on the floor… For the untrained eye, it was hard to tell how many bottles were broken. The floor was ‘a sea’ in Red Hot Sauce; broken and unbroken bottles were literally floating in the aisle. This was a job well done!

Ms. Manners, I know you are  wonderin,’ whether the person who crashed into the Red Hot Sauce bottles, which were neatly displayed on a shelf, reported this incident to a grocery store employee?”

I know, such a funny question to ponder.

Oh my oh my Ms. Manners! Girlfriend, this here is the Hamptons. Paleeze!

Hell no! Clearly the perpetrator (“perp”) of this incident scurried away…

Perhaps we should give the perp the benefit of the doubt? Maybe, just maybe, the perp did not know they ‘bumped into the Red Hot Sauce Bottles’ that were so neatly organized on a shelf by a grocery store employee? I just don’t know.

Personally, I try to believe in the ‘goodness of people,’ perhaps, just perhaps, the person did not hear the bottles (note ‘plural’ bottles), crash to the ground.

Ms. Manners, I use the word ‘crashed,’ because there was more than one bottle, and these were large bottles. Not the small table size bottles you would use at a restaurant. Again, you ask yourself “Didn’t the perp hear the bottles crash?

Well, Ms. Manners, all I can say, is that if the perp were profoundly deaf, daft, or did not have their hearing aids in, maybe, just maybe they did not hear the crash of all those bottles. Not to mention the splatter of the sauce, which was everywhere.

But really, we all know the perp who knocked all those bottles down, knew what they did. The perp probably checked the aisle to see if there were any witnesses, and then fled the scene of the crime. Like no one would see this mess? Really? Like the store has no video cameras?

Oh, but then things took a turn for the worse. Then there was the smell. Ms. Manners, Louisiana Red Hot Sauce is hot. The label says, ‘Red Hot Sauce’ for a reason. This hot sauce ain’t for the faint at heart.

Have you ever used Louisiana Red Hot Sauce Ms. Manners? Well, I love it. ‘Specially on my chicken wings.’ Oooooh that smell!

Ms. Manners, I could smell that sauce when I was about mile away near  Aisle 1. That smell was permeating the store. Even though it was 9:30am, I started to have a hankerin’ for some wings!

A Laughing Matter

In truth, employees and customers were laughing. Customers were taking photos; with the hope these pictures would go ‘viral.’ Nah, I don’t think so.

I could see the store employees were in absolutely no rush to clean this mess up. Who in their right mind would be? If you get Red Hot Sauce in an open wound on your fingers or hands, you will cry for your mama! And do not rub your fingers that are covered in hot sauce into your eyes, it can damn near burn them out of your head!

As for me, I told the employees we should all follow the trail of red footprints throughout the store, created by the person who had knocked over the bottles of Louisiana Red Hot Sauce. Just look for the perp whose shoes and legs were decorated with red splatter stains and would smell like a chicken wing.

Oh, and if you were wonderin,’ I prefer wings in extra hot sauce.

LOUD AND PROUD TO BE A NEGATIVE COVID PERSON!

My At-Home-COVID Test Results

You betcha baby! I am a loud and proud NEGATIVE COVID Person! Hallelujah!

As I read my acceptance speech for being the recipient of this Negative COVID Test, I have several peeps to thank.

First, a few acknowledgements to the manufacturers of the COVID Vaccines and the Paxlovid AntiViral COVID Meds, the At Home COVID Rapid Test Kits, Mucinex DM, AYR Nasal Spray, Puffs Plus Tissues with Aloe, Charmin Ultra Soft Toilet Paper, Clorox Wipes, and last butt not least, Huggies Baby Tushy Wipes.

Second, I would to thank my Doctors. Not all of my Docs (I have way too many and would take too long to list), but specifically Gary the Doc who prescribed the Paxlovid, and my Wellness Doc Caroline who told me I ‘would be fine.’

Third, Thanks to my husband Michael for running away from me as soon as I tested positive for COVID. Really, you never saw the guy run so fast. Also, smart to sleep in separate bedrooms during my COVID experience (Lucky for you, because I did not wake you up every time I pee). Lastly, brilliant idea to wear a mask in the house this past week; saved all my super-expensive anti-aging potions and lotions. Michael was brilliant to keep me not ‘arm’s length,’ but rather a ‘football field’ apart, because he did not get COVID. And, he was so considerate of me, because I can’t even imagine what he would have been like if he got COVID. You know men, they are so ‘needy.’ Yuck!

My sons were absolutely terrific. They both recently had COVID, and thus were extremely empathetic when they saw me in my COVID ‘Horror State’ of pale white. Not to mention everyone listen to my coughing/hacking/choking attacks. Grateful my older son can cook, and my younger son was in LA, so I could isolate in his bedroom for a week.

To be clear, even though I experienced a ‘mild’ case of COVID, I still am not at my version of 100% total Gay Capacity . This virus knocked me on my arse for a week. Even total hip replacement surgery did not render me bed ridden.

The good news, is that I am a loud and proud negative person (despite having a positive attitude). I also can go mask-less for the next two months. And no, this is not akin to going bra-less. That would be horrifying! I mean really, thank you Victoria Secret push-up double your size bra!

COVID DAY 7: ENOUGH!

Self-Portrait

Does this ever end?

Oy! Please, enough already! Today is Day 7, and to be honest, I have had enough of COVID. Sadly, it has not had enough of me. Not an equitable relationship.

The problem with getting COVID, is that it’s just not your common cold.

As we all know by now, COVID affects each person differently. Some people who test positive for COVID are ‘asymptomatic’ and experience no symptoms. However, they are still a walking petri dish and still must isolate. Then there are the spectrum of folks who experience mild symptoms (like me), moderate symptoms and just fall apart for a week or two, and those who experience severe symptoms, who need to be hospitalized and just may succumb to the virus. Scary, right?

Since COVID is a highly contagious virus, and, if a person cares about another human being, well, you want to do the right thing and isolate. Yes, you do the right thing and stay away from other people (even if you hate them).

Isolating at Home

I suppose I am lucky. My kids are out of the house, and it is just me and my husband. Akin to two people stranded on an island. In this case, Long Island. So dreamy, right? Nah, I don’t think so.

Despite having 100 COVID shots between us (just joking), since the minute I tested positive for COVID, I am now sleeping in my younger son’s bedroom. The room is a time capsule, intact from last year, when he graduated from College.

My husband is still testing negative, which is great for him. To keep him negative, I wear a KN95 mask in the house, and Lysol spray is my new perfume. I know, sexy, right?

When it is not raining and there are no gale force winds, we can dine together, outside. What a real treat.

Now, for some people who can’t stand their spouses, COVID is a great excuse to stay away. Right? A self-imposed separation. For some odd reason, I actually like the guy I married. Call me crazy, or maybe it is the COVID brain? But, it has been hard to be separated.

Our anniversary is tomorrow. First off, amazing we made it to 27 years of marriage! Woo Hoo! Second, we shall celebrate just ‘the two of us.’ Our plans were cancelled, because I am still testing positive for COVID. For heavens sake…no one has hugged me in a week!

Perks of Day 7 of COVID

So exciting! Made it to day 7 of COVID! So many doors have opened to me as per the CDC. Since I am finishing my Paxlovid, have experienced mild symptoms, never had a fever, and I can now go out in Public. But, there is always that but… I am required to wear a mask at all times.

To make sure I do not infect my fellow human beings (even the ones I can’t stand), I wear two KN95 masks.

Remaining Symptoms

COVID has left me tired, and I have a raspy, hoarse voice. Once the symptoms of COVID rooted, I had an extremely upset stomach, which contributed to the weight loss I experienced. (You can fill in the gory details.)

I am always the optimistic: my bikini will look awesome this summer, or whatever that means for a 58 year old hot mama!

To be continued…

COVID DAY 5: I CAN’T MOVE

Says it all…

Dear Diary,

This is now Day 5 of COVID. I am exhausted. I literally can’t move. It is hard to believe this is a ‘mild’ case of COVID.

Even though I am not a Board Certified Physician, I am a certifiable Jewess Mama Doc. I believe the Paxlovid antiviral drug I am taking stopped COVID in its tracks. Yes, the symptoms stopped getting worse. 

I would opine there is an internal struggle going on at this very moment in my ole’ body to defeat COVID. Thus, I am totally wiped out. This never happens to me. 

What is totally odd, is that my mind is clear. I can think. I am not experiencing COVID ‘brain fog.’ In fact, my neck has been killing me for months, and that pain has greatly diminished. So weird. 

Sleepin’ and Dreamin’

Hallelujah, I slept last night. 11 hours, which is so not normal for me. As you know my Dear Diary, as a Menopausal Mama, I am lucky if I sleep 6 hours a night due to my punctual pee-pee wake-ups every 2 hours.

Diary, I did have an odd dream. The last dream I remember, was that I was sitting in a Denny’s restaurant that was also a bagel shoppe; and I ordered eggs and an English Muffin for breakfast. So odd, right? I skipped the poppy-seed bagel, hash-browns and bacon because I wanted to ‘watch my weight’ and keep my cholesterol low. 

Diary, what a relief that I am concerned about my health in my dreams! But really, this is what I dream about? 

Oy vey. Let’s hope for a better day tomorrow.

To be continued…

TAG! COVID GOT ME!

The COVID Grim Reaper

Oy vey! After 2.5 years of evading COVID, it got me.

Crime Scene

How did I get COVID? Who gave it to me? Who can I blame? Do I call the Police to track down a suspect?

I have not knowingly been near anyone who has COVID. Unless …someone has been lurking the streets with COVID. Hmmmm.

COVID was an uninvited guest who entered my life without permission. Yesterday morning, was like any morning. I noticed my throat was a tad bit scratchy. I do have allergies, so I popped a Zyrtec (allergy pill). Then I noticed my nose ‘felt funny’ (no better way to describe), and since COVID is literally everywhere, I took a COVID test for the hell of it.

COVID Tests

I just love a COVID test. Don’t y’all? Just the thought of shoving a long Q-tip up not one, but both of my nostrils, is so incredibly sexy. Then waiting for the results… this is akin to a pregnancy test. I mean the dipstick test. But you still wonder if you are positive or negative.

I have previously taken rapid COVID tests, PCR tests, and each and every one came up negative.

But not yesterday. Oh no, no, no. My luck ran out, and COVID tagged me. My COVID stick had two red lines, and no, I was not pregnant.

I just don’t get it. I am armed with 4 COVID shots, take a ton of supplements to boost my immune system, eat healthy and wear a mask inside all stores. Oh, and I also take hydroxychloroquine twice daily for an autoimmune illness. No, not to prevent COVID, to prevent swelling in my fingers. And… my positive COVID test proves hydroxychloroquine does not prevent COVID.

Despite taking all the above precautions, I still got COVID. Maybe if my arsenal included an AR-15, then COVID would have stayed away? Nah, I don’t think so.

COVID Friends

Well, my friend Michele had COVID and tested positive for 21 days. She got COVID from her granddaughter. So cute, right? The kid shared her COVID with the entire family a month ago. Today is the day Michele finally tested negative. Her husband never got COVID. She even slept in another bedroom to not infect him. Wow, what a mama. I have spoken to her so often the last few days, maybe COVID is transmittable via text and phone? I just don’t know.

My friends Andy and Mike recently got COVID. They are getting better. But I did not get it from them. They got COVID from a birthday party. What a fun party!

So where did I get COVID from? Who knows? Such a pity. I wanted to blame someone.

COVID Health Status

Today is day two of my COVID experience. I now have a cold and I am a bit tired. Although, I did workout this morning, picked 5 pounds of strawberries, and baked bread. I have to prove I am Wonder Woman, and COVID will not stop me.

Leper in the House

Stay away from Gay! No one wants to touch me. So sad.

Good thing it is almost summer. I sit outside, cough and gag away from everyone in my family. In the house, I wear a KN95 mask, and sleep in my son’s bedroom. He is a practicing adult, and lives in California, so I can use his bedroom.

My drugs of choice are Advil, Mucinex and AYR nasal spray. I am holding off on taking the Paxlovid, the COVID antiviral drug, because I don’t know if I need it just yet. Only time shall tell!

What is fascinating, is that I do not have brain fog, and can author this article. I have brain fog every day, except today. Go figure.

COVID Response from Friends and Family

It is just fascinating. When you tell people you have COVID, the response is very sullen. No, I have not heard the line “sending you prayers,” but the “Oh NO! You got COVID”! response. And “Where did you get it from?.” “Are you ok?”

I am taking each day as it comes. Glad I have four COVID shots, and hope I have a mild case of COVID. One never knows with this virus.

To be continued…

TIME TO ABORT THE TEXAS HEARTBEAT ACT

Save a Woman’s Right to Abortion and Reproductive Health Care Now!

TIME TO ABORT THE TEXAS HEARTBEAT ACT

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury; you are tasked with the responsibility to determine whether the Texas Heartbeat Act SB 8 is unconstitutional and therefore must be struck down.

The Texas Heartbeat Act SB 8 was argued before the United States Supreme Court on November 1, 2021. The Supreme Court Justices focused solely on the legal procedural issues of this case and did not address the factual issues that address the long standing Constitutional Right to Abortion as set forth in the landmark decision Roe v. Wade.

Thus, the scope of your deliberation is limited to determine whether Texas deprived citizens their Constitutional Right to an Abortion by drafting a law that precludes Federal and State judicial review of the constitutionality of the statute.

The effect is stunning: Texas SB 8 silences a woman’s Constitutional Right to Abortion and prevents her from having her rightful ‘day in court’.

In addition, as you will learn, this so-called ‘law’ deputizes people to become Abortion Bounty Hunters to literally accuse anyone of assisting a woman carry-out her Constitutional Right to Abortion. Which ironically, the Court did not address.

FYI, ignoring issues does not make them go away. But the Justices know that.

Realistically ladies and gentlemen, the Supreme Court appears to be on its way to extinguishing the Constitutional Right to Abortion and Reproductive Health Care for Women that was established in Roe v Wade. Thus, the monumental task of upholding Supreme Court precedent case law rests on your shoulders.

As you hear the facts of this case, I am certain you will conclude that Texas SB 8 in its entirety is unconstitutional and must be struck down. The Supreme Court is having a difficult time garnering a majority vote on this matter, so maybe you can ‘help’ them see the proverbial light and uphold their own precedent. Accomplish what the Supreme Court ought to do NOW.

What is next for women? What other rights can and will be silenced?

Thank you.

The Facts of the Case

Elected officials of the great state of Texas enacted the law SB 8 to prevent women from obtaining an abortion after the sixth week of pregnancy.

There are no ‘exceptions’ to this law. It does not matter if the pregnancy resulted from:

  1. Rape.
  2. Sexual Assault.
  3. Sexual Abuse.
  4. Incest.

SB 8 is a ban on abortion after the sixth week of pregnancy.

However, the ban on abortion was not the question before the United States Supreme Court. Surprising…right?

No, not really.

Wait a minute. You ask yourself… “Why didn’t the Supreme Court determine whether SB 8 violates the constitutionally protected right to abortion?” The answer is simple. Well, not so simple.

The Court knew they would hear oral arguments on December 1, 2021, notably the Mississippi case Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization. The Dobbs case will determine whether the Court will uphold Roe v. Wade.

Until the Court renders that decision, the 50 year-old constitutionally protected right to abortion will continue to precariously dangle by a thread.

The Issue of the Case

The Supreme Court deemed the only justiciable issue before them was whether anyone can sue to stop the enforcement of Texas SB 8. Indeed, a curious question to a non-attorney. Nevertheless, a deeply concerning legal procedural question.

SB 8 Evades Judicial Review

Ladies and gentlemen, I am confident you are confused. Yes, you are correct in thinking that the purpose of this law is to ban abortion. However, that is not why the law was written and enacted. The purpose of Texas SB 8 was insidious at the outset: it was written to specifically evade any judicial review.

What does judicial review mean? Exactly what it says. Courts are empowered to review the lawfulness of a Federal or State statute. In this case, the drafters of SB 8 intentionally wrote this legislation to be beyond reproach; essentially bulletproof to any judicial review.

Shocking? No.

Sneaky? Yes.

SB 8, not only enforced a ban on abortion, but legislated that no person, no entity, can sue  the State of Texas to argue the lawfulness of this law.

This is the perplexing part of SB 8. Generally, when a person alleges they suffer an injury from a Federal or State statute, that person will sue the entity (the Federal, State or Local Government) that enacted said legislation. The relief sought would be to invalidate the law considered to be unconstitutional or invalid; to stop enforcement of the law.

However, Texas claims SB 8 is not enforced by any State official. Thus, opponents of this law who seek to stop enforcement of it have a real problem determining the correct named party/defendant to sue.

For the pregnant woman from Texas who is prevented from getting an abortion due to SB 8, who does she sue? What party does she name, to argue that the law is denying her constitutional right to an abortion? The answer is… I do not know. And neither did the Supreme Court Justices when they heard oral arguments in this matter.

The unmitigated gall of these so-called Texas ‘legislators,’ who allegedly represent the interests of their constituents. They drafted and enacted a law that prevents the very people who elected them from legally challenging this abortion ban.

Texas Asserts They Do Not Enforce SB 8

Wait a minute…just what did the drafters of SB 8 do? According to SB 8, Texas Governmental Officials do not enforce SB 8. Funny, that is what the State of Texas asserts.

Ask yourself:  Well, if the State does not enforce this law, then who enforces SB 8 in Texas?

The Enforcers

Pursuant to the law, this legislation deputizes anyone who is not a State Official to enforce SB 8.

Ladies and gentlemen, kindly pause for a moment. Ask yourself: Do you really think the State of Texas is not enforcing SB 8?

Please, follow along with me. Banning all abortions after the sixth week of pregnancy is cruel and unusual punishment to women. And as bad as that is, the insidious component of this law is the deputizing of private citizens to be knighted ‘Abortion Bounty Hunters,’ to hunt down and accuse any person who participated in the procurement of an abortion.

The Abortion Bounty Hunters

Incredulous as this sounds, it is worse than you can imagine. To reiterate, the State of Texas has turned plain ‘ole folk into Abortion Bounty Hunters, to prey on anyone who seeks to get an abortion. Oh, and the bounty is up to $10,000. A rather profitable endeavor to be an Abortion Bounty Hunter.

Keep in mind y’all, Texas says they do not enforce this law.

It does not matter that the deputized citizen/bounty hunter, who becomes a plaintiff in a future civil suit to claim the reward, was not directly injured by the person they are suing. Which is odd, because in the real world of civil litigation, a plaintiff must allege he/she sustained some injury caused by the defendant.

Then again, this is Texas. Clearly, they just make up their own rules.

Seriously ladies and gentlemen. SB 8 appoints private citizens to become bounty hunters to sniff out abortion in Texas. It is clear these bounty hunters are acting as an arm of the State of Texas, and this ‘bounty hunter’ will become eventual plaintiffs against their prey to recover the cash reward, the bounty, for enforcing the law.

According to Justice Clarence Thomas, ‘SB 8 plaintiffs are acting in concert with Texas to enforce this law.’ To clarify ladies and gentlemen, this means that the great state of Texas is enforcing this law.

Sorry Texas, your government is enforcing this law. But y’all already know that. Shame on Texas. They can’t hide behind their bounty hunters and proclaim they do not enforce the law.

Aiders and Abettors of Abortion

The following are just a few of the people who can be sued for ‘aiding and abetting’ the procurement of an abortion and be liable for payment of the cash reward:

  1. The husband/partner who drove a woman to an abortion clinic/private physician.
  2. The cab/uber driver who drove a woman to an abortion clinic/private physician
  3. The nurse who assisted in the abortion.
  4. The Doctor who performed the abortion.
  5. The woman who received the abortion.

A shocking list of ‘so-called’ aiders and abettors. These people are your sister, mother, brother, father, uncle, grandma, grandpa, doctor; get the picture?

Right Leaning Justices

Apparently, some Supreme Court Justices were more concerned about a State appointing Bounty Hunters to enforce their laws, as opposed to banning abortion after six weeks of pregnancy.

The Supreme Court is supposed to be ‘apolitical.’ However, this Court is clearly aligned along partisan lines, which is a no-no. The Justices who were appointed by Republican Presidents, do publicly espouse conservative political views. Yes, these ‘right leaning Justices,’ who now comprise the Majority rule of this Court, are not ‘fans’ of Roe, and have expressed a willingness to dilute that Landmark Decision.

Once again, that is no excuse to not address this Texas ban on abortion.

Women Have Constitutional Rights

Clearly, the majority of the Justices are aligned with Texas in this matter. Did these Justices forget that the very Court they sit on has ruled that a Pregnant Woman has Constitutional Rights, but the unborn fetus does not?

A fetus at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 15 weeks, and 23 weeks is not recognized by this Court to have any Constitutional Rights. Roe v Wade determined the viability of a fetus at 24 weeks; the RIGHTS OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN MUST BE BALANCED WITH STATE RIGHTS.

Oh, don’t you love selective memory.

However, are you really surprised? I am not. Let’s be serious. Texas clearly does not care about the health, safety and welfare of a woman. Because if they actually did care about a woman, they would not have enacted SB 8.

And why should the Justices address the abortion component of SB 8 now? No matter that all abortions in Texas have come to a screeching halt due to this law. No matter that women are suffering. No balancing of a pregnant woman’s rights with that of the State. This is just another news cycle, hoped to be forgotten.

The pain and suffering experienced by thousands of Pregnant Texas Women who are unlawfully denied their right to an abortion will not be forgotten. As of this writing, 62% of Americans polled support Roe. The Court cannot turn a deaf ear on the ‘pulse’ of the Majority of Americans.

The Justices are working on their own timetable: they heard the Mississippi case on December 1 and will continue to erode at the Court’s rule of law by not upholding precedent.

Great message from the Court: Screw you Texas Women.

Legalization of Bounty Hunters

Justice Kavanaugh, in his infinite wisdom, pondered what would happen if the court upheld SB 8 and thus permitted the State to use bounty hunters to limit other Constitutional Rights.

I ask you: At this moment in time and history, what is more important than a woman’s Constitutional Right to Abortion and to Reproductive Care?

Well, Justice Kavanaugh was more concerned about the potential restriction of the Second Amendment. Really? Bless his heart.

Guns? What do they have to do with Abortion Rights?

Oh, and yet, this case gets better. The Firearms Policy Coalition, submitted an amicus brief and was very concerned that ‘Blue States’ (i.e. California, New York) will act just like Texas and create unlawful procedures and penalties to enforce a law that is blatantly unconstitutional. Mind you, they were not talking about the Texas ban on abortion being unconstitutional.

My word! Heavens to Betsy! This coalition was sickened at the mere thought of liberal states banning the sale and ownership of handguns and appoint bounty hunters to hunt down gun-totin’ people. Can you imagine?

Of course, Kavanaugh agreed with this amicus brief and envisioned the ownership or sale of a handgun would be illegal in States like New York and California, if the court upheld SB 8. Oh, my word! Don’t you love the ‘tit-for-tat’ game?

Children of the Court, oh, I mean Justices, stay focused on the Abortion component of SB 8, not the procedural smoke screen.

Reap What You Sow

You betcha Kavanaugh! Your worst nightmare came true! Bravo to Governor Gavin Newsome of California. Newsome just proposed a gun law that would be modeled on the Texas one. Sucks when you have to take your own medicine.

Bottom Line

In simple English, SB 8 is a nasty law. It completely ignores established Constitutional Law, exempts itself from any Judicial Review, and deputizes citizens to become Abortion Bounty Hunters to enforce a law that in fact violates Constitutional Rights. Not to mention it silences women’s rights.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, consider this thought: If women are stripped of their Constitutional Right to Abortion and Reproductive Rights, what is the next right women will lose? The right to vote? What about rights that are not protected by the Constitution? What if a State wants to enact a law that prevents women from attending college or driving an automobile?

I betcha did not think women could be stripped of those rights. If it happens in other countries where women’s rights are restricted, why not here?

If SB 8 is constitutional, a State is empowered to enact any law that is not subject to judicial review. Frightening to say the least. What is to become of the good ‘ole U.S. of A.?

The Supreme Court, as a result of its inaction to declare SB 8 unconstitutional, has caused this matter to spiral out-of-control. The Conservative Justices, by their own doing, are making this Court impotent.

The Constitution is a living document. The ‘Founding Fathers,’ the Men (no women) who wore the wigs, were actually forward thinking human beings. They purposefully drafted the Constitution to grow with our nation, not against it. They founded this country to not be ruled by the absolute power of one ruler; they wanted to spread power among different ‘branches’ of government for ‘checks and balances;’ and they wanted to separate Church and State.

The Supreme Court is a separate and distinct arm of government. It should unequivocally not be political. In modern times, it should rise above all the bullshit that occurs in Washington and this Country.

Thank you. I rest my case.

MASK UP!

COVID RE-BOOT!

Mask Up! (Braces Optional!)

It’s happenin’ again! Shiat!

Time to wear the mask baby! Whether you like it or not, COVID is here to stay. Think of this as shiat on a shoe. Even if you think you removed it from your shoe, it’s still there. That smell. You just can’t get rid of it.

This is analogous to COVID. Get it?

COVID is NOT goin’ away. At least not until more people get vaccinated.

I for one, never had COVID. I have no idea why I did not catch this virus, or, shall I say, COVID never caught me. However, I march on!

Dr. Fauci’s COVID Prevention Tips

I have done everything my spiritual leader Dr. Fauci requested

  1. Wear a mask indoors at public places.
  2. I got vaccinated.
  3. I wash my hands all day long.
  4. I take a shower at least once a day (for good measure).

Dr. Fauci’s COVID Prevention List is based on Science. However, in addition to Fauci’s list, we Hot Mamas need to follow a COVID Prevention List that is an outgrowth of everyday life.

I don’t know about y’all, but I have created my own COVID Prevention Tips List which is based on Gay’s Common Sense.

Gay’s COVID Prevention Tips not Mentioned by Dr. Fauci:

1. Get SCOPE/Breath Freshener Spray for your breath! When you wear a mask, FYI, your breath stinks!

2. Wear a mask in bed: for relationships that are falling apart due to the pandemic, masking is a great excuse, I mean priceless opportunity to ‘stay safe’.

3. For Vaccinated families: Too much togetherness! INfighting has returned! Don’t we know it honey! That Delta Variant is yet another great excuse for postponing family gatherings.

4. If you are shopping at TJ Maxx and you see another hot mama checkin’ out a designer label dress in your size, feign a coughing attack! Watch everyone run away from you! Go in for the kill and grab the dress!

5. Remember, coughing is the new fart!

Stay tuned…tomorrow is another day!

Luncheon Scoop Page 6

THE HAMPTONS SUMMER OF 2021: PART XII

Gay and Tracy Anderson courtesy: Melanie Dunea

Greetings from East Hampton, NY!

Like Wow! My first luncheon in over 20 months!

You betcha baby! This event was liberating. No masks. Peeps vaccinated. What a wonderful opportunity to ‘mingle’ again. It was akin to a ‘Get Out of COVID Jail Free Card’.

Kudos to Tracy

Sistahs, y’all gotta give credit when credit is deserved. Tracy hosted this intimate soirée to join with Grazia Magazine USA to celebrate their recent publication “The Grazia Gazette: The Hamptons Volume II.

And I got invited!

I know! You are just dyin’ to know what the event was like!

Well, let’s set the scene.

East Hampton Point

If I must say so myself, Tracy and her team, were brilliant in picking this location.

The ‘Point’ has always been a spectacular location for a restaurant. It is situated on the harbor in East Hampton, where you can literally soak in the sun, boats and be part of that swanky, upscale bar scene.

Bring it on girlfriends! Welcome back to the good ole’ new days!

See and Be Seen!

Gay is bustin’ loose sistahs! Break out out the booze, pop the champagne, and let’s party!

In Gay’s fantasy world, I envisioned myself sashayin’ through the restaurant to schmooze with any famous peeps that could be at this event.

And y’all know me, I was on a mission to find at least one celeb! Amen to that!

Glammed up!

If I do say so myself, I think I just might have pulled off my master plan to look absolutely stunnin’! I’d love to look breath-takin’, but let’s not push it.

Fear Not sistahood! Despite the obstacles thrown in my path, notably aging, a bad back, bad feet, gross hands and nails, bags under my eyes, and perilous belly bloat, I was determined to create a vision of a new Gay that would last the duration of the luncheon.

Indeed. Think of an older version of the fairy tale Cinderella, but no fairy godmama, and an old(er) Cindy.

The only fairy dust I had was a tube of some miracle under eye cream that purportedly magically erases wrinkles and flattens those dark, puffy circles.

Gimme Gimme Gimme!

Problem: the cream only works for a few hours, and then everything goes back to shiat.

Yes, my tale could end up worse than Cindy’s. Could you imagine I’m a schmoozin’ with a celeb, and all of a sudden, one eye, then another eye, starts to sag and puff out? Oh, the shame of it all. Timin’ is everything, and I cannot overstay my welcome!

The Dress

I tried my bestest. I shopped at the finest of stores, TJ Maxx in Bridgehampton. And girl, did I ever luck out! I almost had to run over another chick to grab that dress.

As I live and breathe, the day that I scored a Theory dress and cute Wedges was a very good day. Go figure! Better than sex!

Why better than sex? The dress and shoes last way longer than one orgasm! Think girls, think!

But a dress don’t glam you up. No, no, no. Bring on the jewels and the fancy schmancy handbag! Even if they be faux, no matter ladies! You have to package yourself and give the image that you are the real deal baby!

Remember my mantra: It is not how you feel, but it is how you look! And dahlin’, you look mahvelous!

Main Event

Fellow hot mamas, I did it. Yes! Despite my deep rooted insecurities, I pulled off the impossible and, if I do say so myself, actually looked damn good! Or, as good as I can look at this point in my life.

The Wine, The Peeps!

Life. A beautiful thing. Particularly when you are schmoozin’ in East Hampton and the Rosé was just a-flowin’.

And yes, Garçon, s’il vous plaît, I shall have another glass!

After cocktails, we were escorted to a secluded porch and were seated at a very long table, which was adorned with fresh flowers and beautiful linen. My seat was purr-fect. Really. I had a direct view of the harbor, and even spotted a stunning yacht or two. Not too bad for moi, a nobody.

However, who knew I would be seated alongside the nicest, funniest people. Really. Go figure! I met a professional photographer, a Branding Expert, a Marketing Expert, and a person who sells Caviar. Wow. What fun!

I could go on and on about this soirée, however, time was a tickin’! After a few hours, I realized I needed to make a dash for it, before I turned back into a 57 year old woman who was cooped up in a house for 18 months.

I also had another engagement I needed to attend, so it was time for me to skedaddle! I know, such a busy person! So many places to go, people to see!

I bid a fond adieu to my new friends and drove off to the next event! The good news was that as I looked into the car’s rearview mirror, I noticed my eyes were still intact and the eye cream was in fact magical.

Maybe I do have a fairy godmama?