Dark Under Eye Bags
I have a real scary tale to share with y’all. And if ya don’t wanna hear it, I don’t care. Boo! Go away!
However, Sistahs you may want to hear about the morning I woke up with the puffiest under eye bags! Shiat! You know what I am talkin’ about!
Omg… I woke up this morning, which is always a good thing. Right?
Any hoo, marched straight to the bathroom… Hey now, don’t forget the simple pleasure of being able to get out of bed to take your mornin’ tinkle. My word, you are all so harsh!
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
And then I looked into the mirror. Oy! I was aghast at what I saw! I had no idea who was looking back at me in the mirror.
And that chick was not the fairest of them all.
To my chagrin, it was me I was lookin’ at. What happened? I just don’t know…
I went to bed as a 58 year old hot mama and woke up as a lukewarm mama. Oy vey! So tragic!
It was the morning of Halloween, and I was not wearing a costume. Repeat, no costume.
Can we talk? Who is wearing a costume at 4:00 in the morning? Well, then again, maybe some peeps, but not me!
On the other hand, it would have been great if it were a costume…and I could simply peel off the old crepey wrinkly skin and emerge as Ms. America! You betcha baby!
Alas, that was not the case.
Puffy Under Eye Bags
Like really, you may not care, but I had this puffy ‘thang’ happenin’ under my eyes – I suppose that is what is known as a ‘bag under your eyes’. And to add insult to injury, the bags were dark, and come in pairs. Of course these bags want to be loud and proud. As y’all know, aging is not subtle. It is akin to a bull in a china shop.
And to make matters worse, it wasn’t even a designer bag like Louis Vuitton.
The under eye bags would not flatten.
Excuse me Sistahs – just so ya know, I desperately tried to flatten those suckers with my fingers to no avail. Those bags (of course they come in pairs) prominently sat under my eyes, like a fluffy pillow. The shame of it all.
However, that ain’t no fluffy pillow. More like some shiat that sprung outa nowhere under my eyes. So sad.
Old Lady Eyes
Sistahs, I ask y’all: is this the beginning of the end?
Will I wake up tomorrow and find wrinkles under my eyes? (shhh… I already have a few).
Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeon
I ask my Sistahs: Has the time come for me to see a plastic surgeon? There must be a Beverly Hills Hotline for help with under eye dark bags. If not Beverly Hills, where can a girl get any type of emotional support for aging?
Does anyone care about women over 50? Anyone? Anyone?
What Aging Delight is Next?
Will the skin on my arms become flabby, saggy? (Oh shiat, no not that!).
Will my neck start to look like a turkey gobbler? Ya know what I am talkin’ bout – when your neck can sway back and forth in the wind!
According to my ‘ole mama , she said “Gay, you shall not succumb to that fate, because you have your father’s neck”. By the by, Mama says that was ‘the only good thang I got from my father.’ Well, at least I got one good thing from my Daddy.
Fortunately, it is Halloween, and I don’t need a costume.