TAG! COVID GOT ME!

The COVID Grim Reaper

Oy vey! After 2.5 years of evading COVID, it got me.

Crime Scene

How did I get COVID? Who gave it to me? Who can I blame? Do I call the Police to track down a suspect?

I have not knowingly been near anyone who has COVID. Unless …someone has been lurking the streets with COVID. Hmmmm.

COVID was an uninvited guest who entered my life without permission. Yesterday morning, was like any morning. I noticed my throat was a tad bit scratchy. I do have allergies, so I popped a Zyrtec (allergy pill). Then I noticed my nose ‘felt funny’ (no better way to describe), and since COVID is literally everywhere, I took a COVID test for the hell of it.

COVID Tests

I just love a COVID test. Don’t y’all? Just the thought of shoving a long Q-tip up not one, but both of my nostrils, is so incredibly sexy. Then waiting for the results… this is akin to a pregnancy test. I mean the dipstick test. But you still wonder if you are positive or negative.

I have previously taken rapid COVID tests, PCR tests, and each and every one came up negative.

But not yesterday. Oh no, no, no. My luck ran out, and COVID tagged me. My COVID stick had two red lines, and no, I was not pregnant.

I just don’t get it. I am armed with 4 COVID shots, take a ton of supplements to boost my immune system, eat healthy and wear a mask inside all stores. Oh, and I also take hydroxychloroquine twice daily for an autoimmune illness. No, not to prevent COVID, to prevent swelling in my fingers. And… my positive COVID test proves hydroxychloroquine does not prevent COVID.

Despite taking all the above precautions, I still got COVID. Maybe if my arsenal included an AR-15, then COVID would have stayed away? Nah, I don’t think so.

COVID Friends

Well, my friend Michele had COVID and tested positive for 21 days. She got COVID from her granddaughter. So cute, right? The kid shared her COVID with the entire family a month ago. Today is the day Michele finally tested negative. Her husband never got COVID. She even slept in another bedroom to not infect him. Wow, what a mama. I have spoken to her so often the last few days, maybe COVID is transmittable via text and phone? I just don’t know.

My friends Andy and Mike recently got COVID. They are getting better. But I did not get it from them. They got COVID from a birthday party. What a fun party!

So where did I get COVID from? Who knows? Such a pity. I wanted to blame someone.

COVID Health Status

Today is day two of my COVID experience. I now have a cold and I am a bit tired. Although, I did workout this morning, picked 5 pounds of strawberries, and baked bread. I have to prove I am Wonder Woman, and COVID will not stop me.

Leper in the House

Stay away from Gay! No one wants to touch me. So sad.

Good thing it is almost summer. I sit outside, cough and gag away from everyone in my family. In the house, I wear a KN95 mask, and sleep in my son’s bedroom. He is a practicing adult, and lives in California, so I can use his bedroom.

My drugs of choice are Advil, Mucinex and AYR nasal spray. I am holding off on taking the Paxlovid, the COVID antiviral drug, because I don’t know if I need it just yet. Only time shall tell!

What is fascinating, is that I do not have brain fog, and can author this article. I have brain fog every day, except today. Go figure.

COVID Response from Friends and Family

It is just fascinating. When you tell people you have COVID, the response is very sullen. No, I have not heard the line “sending you prayers,” but the “Oh NO! You got COVID”! response. And “Where did you get it from?.” “Are you ok?”

I am taking each day as it comes. Glad I have four COVID shots, and hope I have a mild case of COVID. One never knows with this virus.

To be continued…

Working 9–5 is a Drag!

The Virtual Office

Like omg! I was watching the news the other day. No, this was not ‘the news,’ like CNN, MSNBC or that ‘other’ station that rhymes with ‘lox.’

This news segment was about people, specifically ‘Twenty-Somethings’ who were returning to work in a Post-COVID World.

Indeed, everyone has to go back to work in a ‘Real’ office. No, you can’t continue to work out of your ‘home virtual office,’ which is in your bedroom. To clarify, the ‘real office’ is located in an office building where grown-ups go to work 5 days a week. Real life. The pre-COVID era. Ah, the good ole’ days.

Apparently, not everyone is happy about returning to the real office. So sad.

Well. Excuse me. Sad is not the appropriate word that expresses the ‘twenty-somethings’ that were interviewed on this show. These women emphatically did not, not, want to go back to work in the ‘real’ office.

I mean really. After listening to their compelling stories, like duh, who could blame these educated, professional women for wanting to work ‘virtually’ from home.

The first woman who was interviewed, quit her job as a paralegal because in the post-pandemic real world, she was required to go back to work in the real office. My word! You go girl!

She stated ‘…when you go from full remote to office, it was like, why am I doing this? It seems like pointless? I was so much more tired, I would come home exhausted, and you know, I wouldn’t want to go to the gym, and wouldn’t want to read a book, like I wouldn’t really want to make dinner. 5 days a week in office, 9–5, which is just unreasonable.’

I hear ya sistah! Oy, too much stress, and being tired is just a total no-no. Clearly, working from 9–5 as a paralegal at the real office, located in the office building prior to the pandemic must have been a heavy burden.

Can you imagine, going to work every day, day in, day out? Tsk, tsk, too much to bear for a twenty-something.

Fortunately, this is a woman of the 21st century who knows how to take care of herself.

The good news is that she found another virtual paralegal job. Yes, she gets to continue to work at home! I am thrilled for her! It is wonderful that she will not be subjected to the demands of working in a real office. Best of all, she will now have the strength to go to the gym, read a book, and cook a meal. Although why cook a meal, when Postmates can deliver dinner in half the time it takes to cook. This of course frees up more time, so you can go out with your friends for cocktails. Which you can do since you will not be tired anymore. Just another perk working from home.

Another person who was interviewed, a 25 year old woman, echoed similar sentiments. She stated, ‘we are more productive at home, we are happier at home, we’re doing what the company asks of us…and going back in is really a form of micromanaging, We don’t want any part of it.’

Wait a gosh darn minute! I have a few questions with regard to this second woman who was interviewed. She used the word ‘home’ several times and said she was ‘happy.’ Was she living at home with mommy and daddy during the pandemic? Was she more productive at home because mommy gave her three meals a day and did her laundry? Is home better to work at because you can sneak in a work-out when you are working virtually? Or binge on a Netflix show? Just wonderin.’

One more thing…this twenty-something essentially said she doesn’t want to be micromanaged at work. Is that right? Stop the presses for a moment and get me off this merry-go-round.

As an adult, in the real world, everyone’s life is micromanaged by someone. I know, there was no college course on this subject. Sad.

Such grievances! These twenty-somethings remind me of my kids when they were teenagers and would yell at me “you are not the boss of me.” Not to be the bearer of bad news, but in a professional work environment, someone is the boss of you. Sad reality check.

Clearly, these twenty-somethings set forth compelling arguments to continue to work virtually from home. Right? Oy vey. Tell it to the Judge Judy.

I mean really…what kind of people are we to require educated professionals to work at oppressive office jobs, which make you so tired at the end of a day, that you can’t even go to the gym. The nerve of employers!

Can you imagine being a twenty-something college graduate and subjected to working at a real job, in a real office, from 9–5? Like what was the point of going to college anyway? Again, college did not prepare students for real life.

When these women were interviewed for this show, their parents must have been so proud of them!

I have kids who are in their twenties. If my kids told me this tale of woe, I would have laughed at them and rubbed two fingers together to show that I was playing the smallest violin in the world, playing the saddest, saddest songs.

I don’t know about y’all, but back in the day, I worked as an attorney. I had to get up very early in the morning, wear a suit, uncomfortable high heels, and get to the office or courthouse.

Oh, and by the by, my ‘work hours’ were not 9 am to 5 pm… that would be like going to Day Camp. My hours were leave the house by 6 am and get home late at night. And then, work some more at home. Everyone micromanaged me and was up my arse. And I never got a ‘thank you.’

Just wait till you have kids of your own… that 9–5 job will be remembered as a vacation!

To be continued…

A Real Hipster!

Has anyone noticed I have not published an article in over two months?

I hear silence from the peanut gallery. Fo’shame on y’all!

Just in case if you were wonderin,’ I had two (not one) elective surgeries in five weeks.

Jealous, right?! Sure, you are thinkin’… what did she get done? A face-lift? A boob job? An eye lift? Some lipo on the love handles?

I wish! That’s the fun stuff! At least there would be something to show for undergoing two surgeries. But not moi…

Aging is a Biatch!

Aging sucks. Oy vey. To all my brethren who are in their 50s, 60s, 70s and dare I say 80s, you know what happens to our bodies.

The damn body parts start breakin’ down like an old car! You know it! Every single freakin’ day we wake up and find yet another body part that has stopped working.

In one month, two of my parts stopped working. Really? Really. My nose and my hip.

Double Whammy!

One morning in November, I woke up (which is a good thing), to excruciating pain in my groin (which is a bad thing). The pain was so bad (how bad?), it was very difficult for me to walk.

Despite the agony and pain of this mysterious injury, a girl still needs to shop. Remember, it’s not how you feel, but how you look, and dahlin,’ I always want to look mahvelous!

I put myself together and dragged my skinny arse down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills to peruse the latest fashion. To my dismay, the ‘Alter Kacker’s’ (Yiddish for ‘old peeps’) walked faster than me on the street. And they had a cane. One person was riding on a motorized scooter, but that does not count!

Around the same time, I also noticed I was not breathing properly through my nose (not a good thing). One hint was at night, I would wake up to the sound of an occasional snore (dare I say ‘snort’). Sadly, that ‘honk’ came from me. Oh, the shame. Shhhh…..that’s a secret.

Say it Ain’t So!

I had no idea what was wrong with either body part. I did what any neurotic Jewish woman would do. I scheduled back-to-back appointments, on the same day, with an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, the “Nose Doc,” and an Orthopedic Surgeon who specialized in hips, the “Hip Doc.”

In the morning, the Hip Doc told me I needed a Total Hip Replacement, affectionally known as a “THR.”

In the afternoon, the Nose Doc told me I had a double deviated septum, and a nasal valve collapse. Don’t ask. I shan’t explain. Suffice it to say that the Doc confirmed the breathing through my nose was obstructed.

The Hip

Excuse me? My hip? I thought old peeps needed THR’s, not young hipsters moi!

My hip seemed perfectly fine to me. However, X-rays and a physical exam don’t lie. In fact, the Hip Doc had me lay on my side, and told me to ‘raise your left leg into a scissor kick.’ The Doc told me to hold my leg up while he tried to pushed it down.

Sure, I know those tests. I was strong as an ox. There was no way that Doc would push my leg down. And just like that, he literally touched my leg, and it went straight down. My leg never put up a fight, never held itself up. My hip betrayed me.

I was in shock. The doc said I needed a new hip.

My hip was ready for the junk yard. Shiat! And just like that, I was scheduled for hip surgery. Oy vey.

The Nose

Everyone has heard of a deviated septum. When I was a kid, I fell off my pogo stick and broke my nose. Well that can break any septum.

Never heard of a collapsed nasal valve? Neither did I, until now. I will explain what that is, but please do not laugh. When I would breathe through my nose, I noticed the exterior part of my nostril would literally ‘stick to’ the inside part of my nose, and ‘block’ the flow of air into my nose.

I am NOT making this up! Apparently, just another thing that can ‘collapse’ due to age.

And yes, I scheduled the nose surgery the first week in January, exactly 5 weeks before the hip surgery. Brilliant idea… start renovating the body and get the surgeries over and done with.

Call me a schmuck! In hindsight, this was not one of my better ideas.

Happy Sweet 16 to Gay!

In my world, it is common that girls on their 16th birthday, get a nose job. I never had a nose job.

Well…this was my opportunity to be a ‘Sweet 16’ once again and get that nose job.

Finally! I could get that ‘Shiksa Goddess’ nose! You know, the nose that dreams are made of to a girl from Long Island, NY (not to mention Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, and Miami). I wanted a small, petite, dainty, maybe even ‘turned up at the tip’ nose that would affirm an ‘air of royalty.’

Sadly, my nose job would not be cosmetic. It was all this heavy duty internal work to get me to breathe. The only cosmetic component was to shave down the bump on my nose — the prize, the remnant from my broken nose. I went to two doctors, and no one would make my nose smaller.

Could you imagine… I went to two cosmetic surgeons in Beverly Hills, and both concurred that my nose did NOT NEED TO BE SMALLER. And they would NOT, unequivocally NOT, make it smaller. I know. Only me.

The Nose Job

I thought this surgery would literally be a ‘piece of cake.’ Easy peasy. Sweet 16 girls get their nose fixed all the time, and they are fine.

Sistahs, as if I were that lucky! OMG! That surgery was beyond painful. And then there was the swelling, the black eyes, the swelling, the pain. The good news was that I was recovering in Beverly Hills, where no one looks twice at you when you are recovering from surgery.

I just blended in with all the other peeps walkin’ around Beverly Hills with casts and tape on their noses.

Oh, and if you were wondering, my nose looks exactly the same. No one can tell I had nose surgery. All the pain and suffering to simply breathe. Now don’t get me wrong, breathing is a good thing. Just sayin,’ would have been nice to have a smaller nose.

And when you see me, do not tell me that my nose looks great. Because it looks the same. 

Total Hip Replacement

To be clear, I thought my recovery from total hip replacement surgery would be a ‘snap.’ I am in great shape, and I worked out extra hard to prepare myself for the surgery. Besides, the old peeps said the surgery was not a big deal.

Well honey, call me a schmuck once again.

The Day of The Surgery

My surgeon is one of the top doctors in Los Angeles for hip and knee surgery. He gave me a loose-leaf binder that explained pre-op and post-op procedures for total hip replacement.

I studied that binder from cover to cover — as if I were going to be quizzed before they rolled me into the operating room.

One great take away from that binder: Do Not Write on your ‘good hip’ the words ‘do not remove.’ As the good book said, the doctor will talk with you before the surgery, and he will write on the ‘bad hip’ the words ‘remove.’

Could you imagine, a good hip being removed, and the bad hip left in your broken body? I am sure that has happened. Although my Hip Doc had in place specific protocol to confirm removal of the bad hip. What a relief!

And the next thing I knew, the nurse hooked me up to an I.V. that was spiked with some drug, and I woke up in the recovery room with a new hip. And if you were wondering, the correct hip was removed.

Milestones to Hospital Discharge

According to the ‘binder,’ there are several post-op milestones that must be achieved to be discharged from the hospital.

1. You have to pee, and the nurse has to confirm the pee.

2. You have to walk.

3. You have to walk up and down stairs.

4. All these tasks have to be done satisfactorily to be discharged.

Milestones Fulfilled

At first glance, hip replacement was easy peasy. I had no pain whatsoever. To reiterate, I am such a schmuck. I had no idea that the spinal that was administered total numbed my legs, hip, feet, toes, bladder… totally masked any pain I may have been experiencing. In addition to the spinal, I did not know that I received I.V. pain meds, so life was truly wonderful. I mean total hip replacement is really not a big deal and does not hurt.

I beg of you… call me a schmuck.

Approximately 1.5 hours after the surgery, the nurse awoke me. A delightful person! She sat me up and asked me to “wiggle my toes.” At that moment in time, I did not know I had toes. In fact, I did not know that legs were attached to my body.

In my drug induced stupor, I referred to the recovery room as the ‘Four Season Hotel.’ It was lovely. The nurse, who was more of a personal concierge, first brought me a cup of ice to suck on, and then I graduated to a cup of water, and yes, a cup of coffee. In fact, I was so thirsty, I must have had at 3 cups of coffee.

At this lovely hotel, I was then served a delightful breakfast of eggs, beans and rice. Uh, hello… did anyone notice I just had my hip replaced? You gonna eat rice and beans when you be waking up from surgery? I don’t think so! Where are the fresh berries?

As I was sippin’ my coffee, I detected a certain familiar ‘odor.’ I ignored it. Maybe the odor would go away. Maybe the odor was from another patient? 

Nope. The odor got stronger. Now I was concerned. I wondered…was the odor coming from me? I started checking my body parts. I was still numb from the waist down. Since I could not feel my tush, I decided to investigate the condition of the bed sheets.

Holy shiat! I peed all over myself! And did not even know it! Oy! So embarrassing. What is a girl to do?! What an idiot! This is what happens when you drink three cups of coffee!

I sheepishly motioned to the nurse and whispered, ‘I think I peed all over myself.’ To my surprise, the nurse was thrilled! She said, ‘You just satisfied the first milestone to getting released from the hospital! Congratulations!.’ Go figure.

Oh wait. This gets better. Then the sheets had to get changed. She put a big belt around my waist to literally hoist me up. Ah, we forget so soon. I just had my hip replaced! A little over an hour ago. What? Do you think I can stand up on my own? When I was standing, the nurse commented “your legs are wobbly.” Oy. I told her “I could not feel them.”

Physical therapist shows up about 3 hours after the surgery. Tells me ‘we’re going for a walk.’ Again, he straps that huge belt around me to hoist me out of bed and to catch me if I fall. OMG, if my fans could see me now.

But wait…gets better. The therapist gave me a brand new walker! Imagine that! A walker for me! Just what I always wanted. The therapist straps that big belt around my waist and told me to get out of bed by myself and start walking with the walker. Really? The walker? I am only 57 years old, not 83 years old.

Too bad none of my fans saw this scene. It was horrifying. There I am, standing up with my hospital gown open in the back giving a free peep show of my skinny arse, being walked on a leash by a therapist. Don’t forget, I am walking with the walker. Oh, and the therapist told me ‘your left foot is hitting your right foot.’ I told him, ‘still can’t feel my legs!.’ However, my walking was apparently great, Milestone #2 fulfilled.

Then, the therapist takes me to the stairwell, the ‘fire escape.’ I ask him, ‘you gonna throw me down those stairs?’ For some reason, he did not think that was funny. Too, bad, because I did. I told him, ‘just jokin,’ I know I have to walk stairs, to be freed from this shiatty hotel that serves rice and beans for breakfast.’ Somehow, I walked up and down the stairs. Keep in mind I was still on the leash. Milestone #3 fulfilled.

And oh, time flies when you’re having fun! And just like that, four hours after my surgery, the therapist said you are going home. The therapist insisted I take the walker home and buy a cane at a drug store? Come again? Pigs will fly and hell will freeze over before I buy a cane. As for the walker, the therapist said it was ‘free’ and was included in my hotel/hospital stay. Well, ‘free’ made all the difference in the world. And I needed him to stop nagging me and leave.

Discharged so soon? Do I not get lunch?

The Aftermath

As my birthday approaches, it is so nice to know I have a new nose that does not look new, and a new hip, that does not look new.

This was the hardest two months I have endured in recent memory. Don’t even ask how hard it was to sit on a toilet the first few days after the hip surgery. Getting off and on that very low, modern, sexy toilet was akin to climbing Mt. Everest. Thank goodness for that walker! I had to leave it in front of the toilet — it was the only way I could hoist myself up and down from the porcelain goddess.

However, worse than the pain and agony of recovery from these surgeries, was the passing of my BFF, my sistah from anotha’ motha’ Faith, who lost her valiant battle to kidney cancer just days before my first surgery. Her passing was and continues to be devastating. Faith’s smile, laughter and love is an everlasting memory that I shall carry forever in my heart and soul.

I would also be remiss if I did not address the war in Ukraine. Truly disturbing to see in real time the untold loss of life, pain and suffering inflicted upon innocent people. I, along with millions of other human beings hope that humanity will prevail over this evil.

Sending peace and love to all.

Writing College Essays is NOT Rocket Science!

An Applicant Does Not Have to Be a Rocket Scientist!

Today is December 30, 2020, and there are just a few more days left to finalize college applications. How exciting!

As we live and breathe, students are staring at 15–20 college applications, and confronted with the daunting task of writing 2–3 required college essays per application. This adds up to a total of 60 essays.

CALM DOWN and BREATHE! You do not have to be a genius to write the college essay. #TRUE

Colleges Pose Similar Essay Prompts

Let’s face it kids, we are not reinventing the wheel with college essay prompts. At the end of the day, the wording of the essay questions may vary from college to college, however, the same question is being asked. #TRUE

Since we will not be reinventing the wheel, if an applicant applies to 20 colleges, 60 different essays need not be written. They just need to be ‘tweaked’ to conform to a specific college essay prompt.

Essay Prompt Examples from Duke University and Princeton University

Below are required essay prompts from both Duke and Princeton Admissions. Even though worded slightly differently, the essay prompts pose the same question to the applicant.

Duke University Undergraduate Admissions poses the following required essay prompt for all 2020–21 applicants: essay prompt: Please share with us why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular about Duke’s academic or other offerings that attract you? (200 words maximum).

Princeton University Undergraduate Admissions poses the following required essays prompts for A.B. Degree Applicants or Those Who are Undecided: As a research institution that also prides itself on its liberal arts curriculum, Princeton allows students to explore areas across the humanities and the arts, the natural sciences, and the social sciences. What academic areas most pique your curiosity, and how do the programs offered at Princeton suit your particular interests? (Please respond in about 250 words.) Princeton poses the following required essay prompt for B.S.E. (‘Bachelor Science Engineering) Degree Applicants: Please describe why you are interested in studying engineering at Princeton. Include any of your experiences in, or exposure to engineering, and how you think the programs offered at the University suit your particular interests. (Please respond in about 250 words.)

The general essay response would be the same to both colleges. However, each essay response would be tailored to the specific college academic program, courses, and campus community.

The Dean of Undergraduate Admissions is Your Audience

College essays are written for an audience of one person, the Dean of Undergraduate Admissions.

The Essays are the vehicle to show your love for the college and is the student’s personal letter, albeit self-portrait to the Dean. In a meaningful, direct manner, an applicant must communicate to the Dean throughout the required and supplemental essays who they are as a person. The student must describe how participation in extraordinary activities created a unique person who overcame challenges to pursue innovative concepts and ideas that impacted their community and beyond.

The Essay is how an applicant shouts aloud to the Dean to #PICKME #COLLEGEACCEPTANCE!

College Essay Advisors

I always recommend high school students work with a college essay advisor. You do not have to be a genius to write a college essay, however, you need to know ‘how’ to write the essay. There is a certain way of writing the essays, to pique the attention of the Dean. The Advisor does not write the essay for the student but can provide priceless guidance as to how the essay should read to garner the attention of the Dean.

According to Lauren Chattman, an accomplished author, columnist, and college essay advisor, ‘essays are where the student is permitted to boast about themselves and their legitimate accomplishments to effectively increase their chances of admission to top institutions’. Chattman further states that “the key to successful college essays is where the student utilizes a specific writing style to sincerely convey in their own words why they are unique and how they would contribute to the Dean’s College Community.’

#WISEWORDS: Read the prompts and provide a response in your own words.

Even though New Year’s Eve is tomorrow, where are you going? We are still fighting COVID, so this is the time to focus on finalizing college applications. Check each college application deadline!!

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!

STAY POSITIVE, TEST NEGATIVE! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2022!

Happy New Year!

STAY POSITIVE, TEST NEGATIVE! HAPPY NEW YEAR 2022!

Sistahs and Brothas, can you believe it will be 2022? In my COVID induced time warp bubble, I am still stuck in 2019.

Y’all know that I am NOT the only person who feels this way.

Fear not my peeps! We shall prevail in 2022.

In truth, I am full of shiat, and have no idea what 2022 holds.

I am just tryin’ to stay positive. To be clear, to have a positive emotional outlook. I want to always have a negative COVID test!

If I do say so myself, I have become a bit of a self-proclaimed expert in the field of COVID Living. Hmmm…sounds like Gay’s Talkin’ Points for 2022.

I shall share just a few Words of Wisdom to welcome in yet another, COVID New Year.

COVID Living 2022 Tips

  1. Stay calm.
  2. Meditate to Stay Calm.
  3. Take Prozac (or any equivalent) to Stay Calm.
  4. When you leave your ‘inside world,’ your home, take a deep breath. Yes, this means my friend Fran in New York!

Mask-Up!

  1. In the ‘outside world,’ always wear an approved FDA mask/respirator that is an N95, KN95, KF94, 3-ply, no cotton, tight-fitting surgical/non-surgical mask.
  2. Always carry Purell, Alcohol (not vodka)- isopropyl alcohol you idiot, and Clorox/Lysol wipes.
  3. Goggles, gloves and booties are optional.

VAX Card

  1. Currently you must be triple vaccinated to mingle in the outside world.
  2. Always carry your Official/Legitimate/Lawful VAX Card in the outside world.
  3. You must download your State Digital Vaccine APP on your Cell Phone.
  4. Always carry a Photo-ID to verify your identity when you present your VAX CARD/Digital Record.

Crazy Peeps

  1. Understand the COVID outside world is filled with crazy peeps (don’t ya know that!).
  2. In the outside world, do not look at others. Stay focused, keep head down.
  3. Do not judge others in the outside world. This means you Fran, in New York.
  4. If you are in a store and observe a person who ‘dons’ a red baseball cap and does not wear a mask, you must look away! Keep walking straight. Under no circumstances are you to make eye contact.
  5. Carry the Dr. Fauci Bible at all times.
  6. Wear Garlic around your neck in the outside world. The garlic odor, coupled with the Fauci Bible and Surgical Mask will keep crazy people away a minimum distance of six feet.
  7. For people who are sensitive to odors, like my friend Fran in New York, if you do not wear garlic, carry a full size can of Lysol Spray. That should do the trick.

Sneezing

  1. Stay Away from anyone who Sneezes in any indoor spaces in the outside world.
  2. The Sneeze is the new fahrt…a sneeze in an indoor space, will cause a stampede.
  3. And remember…a mask can reduce your chances of getting COVID. For some reason, masks do not conceal a fahrt. Too bad.

Bathroom Etiquette Outside World

  1. Do not touch the door to the bathroom.
  2. Do not touch the door to the stall.
  3. Do not touch the toilet.
  4. Do not sit on the toilet.
  5. Do not touch the lever to flush the toilet.
  6. Do wash your hands with soap and water and sing happy birthday three times.
  7. Do not use ‘hand blow dryer’ – COVID spikes will spread everywhere. Drip-dry hands.
  8. And please, even if you are hyperventilating and can’t breathe while you are following all these ‘Do Not’ instructions while you are peeing, please, please, please, keep your mask on at all times.

Last, but not least, get your COVID Rapid Test Kits and store them in a cool-dry place in your home next to your paper towels and toilet paper! My friend Fran in New York has done this.

I wish everyone a very happy and healthy New Year. We can get through this COVID shiat together!

SANTA CLAUS COVID PLAYBOOK 2021

Merry COVID Christmas!

SANTA CLAUS COVID PLAYBOOK

Oh yeah baby! Santa Claus is comin’ to your COVID Town!

But wait! Don’t get your balls, I mean bells all jiggly just yet!

Santa Almighty

It is true. Santa is brilliant and has a few magical powers tucked away. Ask Mrs. Claus. She hates when Mom’s jump on Santa’s lap to get their Candy Canes.

All jokin’ aside, Santa was ahead of his time by powering up his sleigh with reindeer. A true forward thinker. Even Elon Musk can’t figure out how to pull Santa’s sleigh with Reindeer.

Too bad Santa never figured out how to stop the reindeer from shiattin’ all over the world when they make their Christmas ‘present drops’.

Unfortunately, despite Santa’s enviable characteristics, he is at a high-risk for complications from COVID.

Elf Chat Rooms

To aid in my investigative research on Santa, I have infiltrated Elf Chat Rooms on the internet. Those Elves are such yentas! Oy vey! Do they have the gift of gab!

Word in these chat rooms, is that the Elves, Santa, Mrs. Claus and the Reindeer have been isolating in the North Pole for two years now.

Last year, Due to COVID Lockdowns, they never left the North Pole. However, this year, Santa has proclaimed ‘there will be no Christmas closures due to COVID’. The Elves have been working in the Santa Factory shoulder to shoulder all year building and constructing toys for all the children of the World.

Largest Employer of Elves

The Elves have been working for Santa for generations, and if something were to happen to Santa, they would be on the unemployment line.

Just think for a moment. Santa is the largest and only, employer of Elves. Custom toy making is a lost art. Elves make toys with their little elf hands. This is an extremely time consuming process. If Santa got COVID, who would provide room, board, medical and dental coverage to thousands of elves? You can be sure: NOT CHINA.

Top Doctor

Santa is currently under the care of North Pole renown physician and Elf, Dr. Gerald Jerome (a.k.a “Jerry Jerry”). Just A bit concerning…Jerry Jerry is not the brightest light on the Christmas Tree or Menorah for that matter.

I know, it is very rare that you hear of an elf who becomes a physician. The last thing any Elf parent wants is for their Elf Child to become a Doctor.

Dr. Jerry Jerry hailed from a long line of elves who were master toy makers. Unfortunately, Jerry Jerry built toy airplanes that always crashed.  He was thrown out of the Elf Academy. Keep in mind, very few Elves fail at toy building. His mother and father were plotzing ; they shrieked “who fails out of Elf Academy?”

In fact, his mother cried ‘this is a shonda’ (a Yiddish definition: ‘shameful’).

So, the next best thing was to become a doctor. Oy vey.

Go figure…years later, Dr. Jerry Jerry became the ‘Head Physician’ to Santa Claus.

Santa’s COVID Risk Factors

  1. Kinda Old.
  2. Kinda Heavy.
  3. Borderline Diabetic; Santa sneaks candy when Mrs. Claus not watching.
  4. Smokes a Corn Cob Pipe when Mrs. Claus not watching.

Dr. Jerry Jerry recently held a press conference at the Elf Union Headquarters in the North Pole and confirmed that Santa and Mrs. Claus have been fully vaccinated and received their boosters.

The Elves already knew that. You see, Santa required mandatory COVID vaccines for all Elves. If they did not comply by September 1 of this year, an elf would be thrown out of Santa’s Village on their pointy ear.

Santa’s COVID Protocols

To put the ho ho ho back into Christmas, Santa and his Doctor have established Christmas Protocols.

According to the Elf Chat Rooms, this is going to be a very different Christmas.

Remember, the intent is to keep Santa healthy.

Mask Protocols Outdoors

  1. Santa travels on an ‘open-air’ sled. Santa, Reindeer, and Elves do not have to wear a mask outdoors on the sled.

Vaccination Protocols for Delivering Presents

  1. Santa is only permitted to enter a home and slide down the chimney where every family member is fully vaccinated.
  2. Santa will not slide down your chimney if you are not vaccinated.
  3. Santa knows who is naughty or nice.
  4. Santa knows who is naughty and has a fake VAX Card.
  5. Santa is not petty. He will still leave presents for children whose parents chose not to get vaccinated. Check your back door Christmas morning.

Support Santa

These are tough times for Santa. He is a World traveler. He has never encountered any problems entering a country. Not even a Wall can stop him.

But COVID, this is another story. Santa is not getting any younger. We need to ensure that future generations of children will enjoy the rituals we all love to share.

  1. Please Get Fully Vaccinated.
  2. Please Get your Booster Shots.
  3. Please Wear a Mask.

Oh, and please practice social distancing. Except when you are standing under the mistletoe, are fully vaccinated, got a booster, and had a negative COVID test. Then, by all means, kiss that person!

Merry Christmas!

MAUI HIBACHI, COVID STYLE

MAUI HIBACHI, COVID STYLE!

The Hibachi restaurant in Lahaina, Maui is dining at its finest! Home of “Mo’ Butter Mo’ Better.” 

Shhh… it is the secret ingredient.

Stranger Danger

When you dine at a Hibachi restaurant, the host smushes you into a table that seats upwards of twelve people. Did I mention this is indoor dining only?

Back in the day before COVID, you would always have to share a hibachi table with peeps called strangers.

I barely remember those pre-COVID days, but if my mind serves me correctly, we would just sit down, and simply ‘grin and bear it.’

In those days, my greatest fear was the stranger who sat next to me who was either too loud, too drunk, elbowed me too much, spat food when they spoke, had not so subtle fahrt slippage, or all of the above. 

Kinda kills the ambiance of fine dining. Don’t ya think?

At a minimum, if I knew the person sitting next to me, I could make a big stink and complain. 

By the way, I wonder…can you get COVID through a fahrt?

On second thought, perhaps this was not the best dining choice during COVID.

Whatever. The salted butter sprinkled with salt and a side of grilled shrimp is to die for girlfriends!

Love Thy Table-Neighbor

I know, you are thinking, ‘she is such a biatch!’ Excuse me sistah! Oh my, what short memories you have. Perhaps even worse than mine!

There is COVID in Hawaii. And even though there may not be COVID in Florida, Arizona or Texas, I do not need to be literally sittin’ on top of a stranger. Then again, if my table neighbor is gorgeous and super-hot…there is always an exception to every rule! Shhhh. don’t tell my husband.

COVID Dining

The big question of the evening: Would we be lucky and get a table alone, or would we have to dine with strangers? 

No more guessin’! We were escorted to the table, which was empty. Hallelujah! Alone at last! 

And then… came the other family.

Oy. A million meshuga (Yiddish for crazy) thoughts were racing through my rather unstable mind. This family could be from Mars for all I knew. Actually, I could deal with a family from Mars. Mars instituted mandatory COVID vaccinations.

A family from Mississippi Arizona, South Dakota, not sure. Red States, conspiracy theories, vax chips implanted in your body…yada yada yada.

But really. Humor me. Just imagine, we actually had to share a table with strangers! We have never, ever done that during COVID! Shiat!

My word! What was a girl to do? Where could I run? The good news was that the restaurant stuck us with only one family.

Phew, what a relief. I suppose due to COVID, we did not get a third family literally thrown in our laps!

As it was, we were literally sitting on top of each other. No joke. However, I had to laugh because I believed the air I was breathing was laden with COVID spikes, and they were infiltrating every orifice of my body.

Rather than totally lose my mind, I needed to put my thinkin’ cap on. What would my Spiritual Advisor Dr. Fauci tell me to do?

Like duh! He would have told me not eat indoors at a restaurant. Hmmm. He sounds like my ‘ole big mama! 

If he only knew the COVID mess I got myself into. Where was the social distancing? Where was my mask?

And then, I did what any COVID paranoid lunatic would do: I moved my chair and table setting to the very end of the table. My plate was hanging off the table. A useless effort to maintain a teeny-tiny bit of air space between myself and the stranger next door.

Rest assured it would have been easier to just sit away from the table facing the corner.

I was plotzing. FYI, Yiddish word for ‘collapsing or fainting.’ The translation: Sistahs, I thought I was gonna die! It was over; yep, right there in the hibachi restaurant. Sayonara folks.

Why the worry? First of all, no one wore a mask at the table. Why should we? We had to show our I.D. and vaccine card.

But wait. This is COVID. Where is this family from? Mississippi? Did they really get vaccinated? Was their VAX Card legal? How can I find out this information?

Vetting Process

You know it sistahs! I looked over this family with a keen eye. Oh please. I was in stealth mode. I was not blatant. You know me… I am the most subtle person ever! Just like a bull in a China shop! But I had to be careful. If they were from Texas, were they packin’ a pistol? I just did not know.

The Chef

At a Hibachi restaurant, it is the luck of the draw who is your Chef.

And we scored big.

The Chef, who happens to be a part-time comedian and part-time knife magician, finally came on stage to his grill.

He brought the hibachi ingredients: about five pounds of salted butter and three pounds of salt. Grilled salted butter with a dash of shrimp, steak, chicken, and vegetables was the cuisine for the evening.

Knives Out

The Chef entertained us with a show of flippin’ and spinnin’ sharp knives. One false move, and adios to your table neighbor. At least that would have created more space at the table.

Mo’ Butter is Mo’ Better!

What can I say, I love hibachi! I love grilled butter sautéed with salt, and a hint of shrimp, steak, lobster or chicken. I loved grilled butter with a side of garlic and a hint of fried rice.

The dinner was great, as always. I suppose due to COVID, the Chef did not throw shrimp at us to catch with our mouths. Too bad. I loved watching someone get shrimp thrown in their eye!

Oh well, maybe next year.

Smelly Feet? Schweatty Balls? A Maui Vacation!

Paradise in Maui!

Smelly Feet? Schweatty Balls?

Maui is a natural oasis. Beautiful flowers. Spectacular waterfalls. Breathtaking sunsets.

Total Zen.

Our arrival to Maui was flawless. Airplane was right on time. Rental car was brand new. Drive to Hotel was fast. Arrived several hours early to hotel check-in, and the room was ready. Incredible.

Oh, and that room! High floor, sweeping ocean views, more square footage than a NYC apartment!

Late lunch was delicious. Pool side was heaven.

What more could a girl ask for? Oy. As the mamas say at the Mahjong table, don’t ask.

The Smell!

Somethin’ was rotten in Maui… at least in the master bedroom of this magnificent condo.

I noticed a ‘smell’ wafting from the master bedroom. Definitely not Chanel No. 5.

At first, we could not place that smell. Oh, and by the by, yes, I have a terrible stomach. However, I can assure you I was not the culprit of that odor!

Smelly Feet?

In truth, we just unpacked from a long flight, and at first sniff, the odor had a hint of ‘smelly feet.’ I literally was smelling ‘gently worn’ socks. Not long snorts, just a quick sniff.

You know it sistahs, just what you want to do upon your arrival in Maui.

Well, no one had smelly feet or socks or shoes. What a relief. Right?

I poo-pooed the smell (no pun intended). Thought we just needed to open the sliding glass doors to let in fresh air.

Several hours transpired, and a reasonable person would have believed the master bedroom was successfully ‘aired out.’

Cold Shower

Well…oh my gawd girlfriends. Don’t get me started! Then again, y’all know me.

I am not one to complain, but it would have been nice to have a hot shower. Not too much to ask for. Like, hello, this mama does not prefer, but wants, a hot shower.

Do you kinda get the feelin’ this hotel condo was all downhill from this point?

After I took my cold shower, I went into the bedroom to dress for dinner. And I was overwhelmed with a sickening odor. Damn! What was that smell?!

Clearly, airing out the room did not work.

Odor Patrol

I simply could not define that odor! What was it? Really smelled like sweaty feet; but was not. Oh, I know! Schweatty balls! That’s it! The room smelled like a locker room! Ah ha!

And so began the calls to the Front Desk, Housekeeping, and…the Hotel Manager.

The Front Desk

And the call went like this: ‘Hello, I have two issues. First, no hot water in my shower.’ The front desk person, politely apologized, and said ‘there is a problem with the hot water heaters. All of them.’

Well then, okey dokey. The solution: Grin and bear it. But really, she gave a little ‘chuckle,’ said ‘they were being fixed, and hoped to be repaired by the next day.’

Then I said, ‘My second issue is that my bedroom smells like smelly feet and schweatty balls; it really does.’

And the reply? Silence at first. Sistahs, think for a moment…how does a hotel employee respond to this select choice of words that I used to characterize this problem?

Surely, the front desk person thought I was out-of-my-mind.

Pardon Moi. Girlfriends, am I asking too much? A mama is entitled to a hot shower, and a room free from eau de parfum schweatty balls.

Oy vey. Clearly, that conversation was goin’ nowhere. I requested to speak to the Hotel Manager.

Hold your hats, we be goin’ for a ride!

The Hotel Manager

Poor guy. He never had a chance. I had him at ‘hello.’

Ask yourself: Was he blindsided by my call? Probably.

Did this Manager believe my accusation that the room smelled like schweatty balls? I don’t know. Although, he did laugh and remember the SNL skit! He said he would examine the matter. Not the balls, the odor.

Face to Face Meeting

As a skilled attorney, I prefer to discuss topics such as schweatty balls face to face. Once again, no pun intended.

I schlepped my skinny arse to the front desk, and asked to speak to my new friend, Manager Number 1. Oh, there will be another Manager that got pulled into this drama.

The housekeeping inspection confirmed the room smelled. What a relief! See… I told the truth!

But where was the smell coming from? The carpet? The armoire? The bed? The Manager winced at the bed option, which I agree is kinda gross.

Now it is Manager Number One’s turn to tell the truth. Or at least to start revealing some truthful details. Apparently, the condo sustained ‘some water damage’ from the Epic Storm that slammed Maui a few days prior to our arrival. The wall-to-wall carpeting in the Master Bedroom ‘got a little wet.’

The Remedy

The Manager deemed it best to clean the rug to get rid of the schweatty balls odor. Ok, maybe that will work. I am ‘up’ for that.

Masking the Problem

The rug was cleaned with a ‘cleaner/deodorizer/schweatty balls remover’ when we were at dinner.

Talk about making a bad situation worse.

The moldy carpeting was now doused with chemicals. And again, not smellin’ like a bouquet of roses. I wanted to go to bed with not a COVID mask, but with a gas mask.

Room Change

Here we go. Manager Number One is not working the next day. Meet Manager Number Two. He had a great idea…change your room.

Sistahs, this hot mama is on a very high floor. The only room available is on the third floor.

The nerve! I shan’t stay on a low floor.

Finally The Truth!

Once again, I schlepped to the front desk to talk to Manager Number Two.

Poor guy. My sharp cross-examination skills had him confess to the real issue. When the epic storm hit Maui, the room we were assigned at check-in, was not secured for the storm. At that time, the room was vacant, and the sliding glass doors were not locked. The master bedroom was soaked from the storm.

Last Ditch Effort

Other than ripping out the carpet, Manager Two worked with Hotel Engineers to dry out the rug and eradicate the odor.

Huzzah!

Mission accomplished! Finally, I can breathe. Not perfect, but no mo’ schweatty balls and smelly feet!

The Concierge

Bless the Concierge. They keep leaving me messages. They want to welcome me back to the hotel and to stop by their desk to pick up their complimentary beach bag.

TIME TO ABORT THE TEXAS HEARTBEAT ACT

Save a Woman’s Right to Abortion and Reproductive Health Care Now!

TIME TO ABORT THE TEXAS HEARTBEAT ACT

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury; you are tasked with the responsibility to determine whether the Texas Heartbeat Act SB 8 is unconstitutional and therefore must be struck down.

The Texas Heartbeat Act SB 8 was argued before the United States Supreme Court on November 1, 2021. The Supreme Court Justices focused solely on the legal procedural issues of this case and did not address the factual issues that address the long standing Constitutional Right to Abortion as set forth in the landmark decision Roe v. Wade.

Thus, the scope of your deliberation is limited to determine whether Texas deprived citizens their Constitutional Right to an Abortion by drafting a law that precludes Federal and State judicial review of the constitutionality of the statute.

The effect is stunning: Texas SB 8 silences a woman’s Constitutional Right to Abortion and prevents her from having her rightful ‘day in court’.

In addition, as you will learn, this so-called ‘law’ deputizes people to become Abortion Bounty Hunters to literally accuse anyone of assisting a woman carry-out her Constitutional Right to Abortion. Which ironically, the Court did not address.

FYI, ignoring issues does not make them go away. But the Justices know that.

Realistically ladies and gentlemen, the Supreme Court appears to be on its way to extinguishing the Constitutional Right to Abortion and Reproductive Health Care for Women that was established in Roe v Wade. Thus, the monumental task of upholding Supreme Court precedent case law rests on your shoulders.

As you hear the facts of this case, I am certain you will conclude that Texas SB 8 in its entirety is unconstitutional and must be struck down. The Supreme Court is having a difficult time garnering a majority vote on this matter, so maybe you can ‘help’ them see the proverbial light and uphold their own precedent. Accomplish what the Supreme Court ought to do NOW.

What is next for women? What other rights can and will be silenced?

Thank you.

The Facts of the Case

Elected officials of the great state of Texas enacted the law SB 8 to prevent women from obtaining an abortion after the sixth week of pregnancy.

There are no ‘exceptions’ to this law. It does not matter if the pregnancy resulted from:

  1. Rape.
  2. Sexual Assault.
  3. Sexual Abuse.
  4. Incest.

SB 8 is a ban on abortion after the sixth week of pregnancy.

However, the ban on abortion was not the question before the United States Supreme Court. Surprising…right?

No, not really.

Wait a minute. You ask yourself… “Why didn’t the Supreme Court determine whether SB 8 violates the constitutionally protected right to abortion?” The answer is simple. Well, not so simple.

The Court knew they would hear oral arguments on December 1, 2021, notably the Mississippi case Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization. The Dobbs case will determine whether the Court will uphold Roe v. Wade.

Until the Court renders that decision, the 50 year-old constitutionally protected right to abortion will continue to precariously dangle by a thread.

The Issue of the Case

The Supreme Court deemed the only justiciable issue before them was whether anyone can sue to stop the enforcement of Texas SB 8. Indeed, a curious question to a non-attorney. Nevertheless, a deeply concerning legal procedural question.

SB 8 Evades Judicial Review

Ladies and gentlemen, I am confident you are confused. Yes, you are correct in thinking that the purpose of this law is to ban abortion. However, that is not why the law was written and enacted. The purpose of Texas SB 8 was insidious at the outset: it was written to specifically evade any judicial review.

What does judicial review mean? Exactly what it says. Courts are empowered to review the lawfulness of a Federal or State statute. In this case, the drafters of SB 8 intentionally wrote this legislation to be beyond reproach; essentially bulletproof to any judicial review.

Shocking? No.

Sneaky? Yes.

SB 8, not only enforced a ban on abortion, but legislated that no person, no entity, can sue  the State of Texas to argue the lawfulness of this law.

This is the perplexing part of SB 8. Generally, when a person alleges they suffer an injury from a Federal or State statute, that person will sue the entity (the Federal, State or Local Government) that enacted said legislation. The relief sought would be to invalidate the law considered to be unconstitutional or invalid; to stop enforcement of the law.

However, Texas claims SB 8 is not enforced by any State official. Thus, opponents of this law who seek to stop enforcement of it have a real problem determining the correct named party/defendant to sue.

For the pregnant woman from Texas who is prevented from getting an abortion due to SB 8, who does she sue? What party does she name, to argue that the law is denying her constitutional right to an abortion? The answer is… I do not know. And neither did the Supreme Court Justices when they heard oral arguments in this matter.

The unmitigated gall of these so-called Texas ‘legislators,’ who allegedly represent the interests of their constituents. They drafted and enacted a law that prevents the very people who elected them from legally challenging this abortion ban.

Texas Asserts They Do Not Enforce SB 8

Wait a minute…just what did the drafters of SB 8 do? According to SB 8, Texas Governmental Officials do not enforce SB 8. Funny, that is what the State of Texas asserts.

Ask yourself:  Well, if the State does not enforce this law, then who enforces SB 8 in Texas?

The Enforcers

Pursuant to the law, this legislation deputizes anyone who is not a State Official to enforce SB 8.

Ladies and gentlemen, kindly pause for a moment. Ask yourself: Do you really think the State of Texas is not enforcing SB 8?

Please, follow along with me. Banning all abortions after the sixth week of pregnancy is cruel and unusual punishment to women. And as bad as that is, the insidious component of this law is the deputizing of private citizens to be knighted ‘Abortion Bounty Hunters,’ to hunt down and accuse any person who participated in the procurement of an abortion.

The Abortion Bounty Hunters

Incredulous as this sounds, it is worse than you can imagine. To reiterate, the State of Texas has turned plain ‘ole folk into Abortion Bounty Hunters, to prey on anyone who seeks to get an abortion. Oh, and the bounty is up to $10,000. A rather profitable endeavor to be an Abortion Bounty Hunter.

Keep in mind y’all, Texas says they do not enforce this law.

It does not matter that the deputized citizen/bounty hunter, who becomes a plaintiff in a future civil suit to claim the reward, was not directly injured by the person they are suing. Which is odd, because in the real world of civil litigation, a plaintiff must allege he/she sustained some injury caused by the defendant.

Then again, this is Texas. Clearly, they just make up their own rules.

Seriously ladies and gentlemen. SB 8 appoints private citizens to become bounty hunters to sniff out abortion in Texas. It is clear these bounty hunters are acting as an arm of the State of Texas, and this ‘bounty hunter’ will become eventual plaintiffs against their prey to recover the cash reward, the bounty, for enforcing the law.

According to Justice Clarence Thomas, ‘SB 8 plaintiffs are acting in concert with Texas to enforce this law.’ To clarify ladies and gentlemen, this means that the great state of Texas is enforcing this law.

Sorry Texas, your government is enforcing this law. But y’all already know that. Shame on Texas. They can’t hide behind their bounty hunters and proclaim they do not enforce the law.

Aiders and Abettors of Abortion

The following are just a few of the people who can be sued for ‘aiding and abetting’ the procurement of an abortion and be liable for payment of the cash reward:

  1. The husband/partner who drove a woman to an abortion clinic/private physician.
  2. The cab/uber driver who drove a woman to an abortion clinic/private physician
  3. The nurse who assisted in the abortion.
  4. The Doctor who performed the abortion.
  5. The woman who received the abortion.

A shocking list of ‘so-called’ aiders and abettors. These people are your sister, mother, brother, father, uncle, grandma, grandpa, doctor; get the picture?

Right Leaning Justices

Apparently, some Supreme Court Justices were more concerned about a State appointing Bounty Hunters to enforce their laws, as opposed to banning abortion after six weeks of pregnancy.

The Supreme Court is supposed to be ‘apolitical.’ However, this Court is clearly aligned along partisan lines, which is a no-no. The Justices who were appointed by Republican Presidents, do publicly espouse conservative political views. Yes, these ‘right leaning Justices,’ who now comprise the Majority rule of this Court, are not ‘fans’ of Roe, and have expressed a willingness to dilute that Landmark Decision.

Once again, that is no excuse to not address this Texas ban on abortion.

Women Have Constitutional Rights

Clearly, the majority of the Justices are aligned with Texas in this matter. Did these Justices forget that the very Court they sit on has ruled that a Pregnant Woman has Constitutional Rights, but the unborn fetus does not?

A fetus at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, 15 weeks, and 23 weeks is not recognized by this Court to have any Constitutional Rights. Roe v Wade determined the viability of a fetus at 24 weeks; the RIGHTS OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN MUST BE BALANCED WITH STATE RIGHTS.

Oh, don’t you love selective memory.

However, are you really surprised? I am not. Let’s be serious. Texas clearly does not care about the health, safety and welfare of a woman. Because if they actually did care about a woman, they would not have enacted SB 8.

And why should the Justices address the abortion component of SB 8 now? No matter that all abortions in Texas have come to a screeching halt due to this law. No matter that women are suffering. No balancing of a pregnant woman’s rights with that of the State. This is just another news cycle, hoped to be forgotten.

The pain and suffering experienced by thousands of Pregnant Texas Women who are unlawfully denied their right to an abortion will not be forgotten. As of this writing, 62% of Americans polled support Roe. The Court cannot turn a deaf ear on the ‘pulse’ of the Majority of Americans.

The Justices are working on their own timetable: they heard the Mississippi case on December 1 and will continue to erode at the Court’s rule of law by not upholding precedent.

Great message from the Court: Screw you Texas Women.

Legalization of Bounty Hunters

Justice Kavanaugh, in his infinite wisdom, pondered what would happen if the court upheld SB 8 and thus permitted the State to use bounty hunters to limit other Constitutional Rights.

I ask you: At this moment in time and history, what is more important than a woman’s Constitutional Right to Abortion and to Reproductive Care?

Well, Justice Kavanaugh was more concerned about the potential restriction of the Second Amendment. Really? Bless his heart.

Guns? What do they have to do with Abortion Rights?

Oh, and yet, this case gets better. The Firearms Policy Coalition, submitted an amicus brief and was very concerned that ‘Blue States’ (i.e. California, New York) will act just like Texas and create unlawful procedures and penalties to enforce a law that is blatantly unconstitutional. Mind you, they were not talking about the Texas ban on abortion being unconstitutional.

My word! Heavens to Betsy! This coalition was sickened at the mere thought of liberal states banning the sale and ownership of handguns and appoint bounty hunters to hunt down gun-totin’ people. Can you imagine?

Of course, Kavanaugh agreed with this amicus brief and envisioned the ownership or sale of a handgun would be illegal in States like New York and California, if the court upheld SB 8. Oh, my word! Don’t you love the ‘tit-for-tat’ game?

Children of the Court, oh, I mean Justices, stay focused on the Abortion component of SB 8, not the procedural smoke screen.

Reap What You Sow

You betcha Kavanaugh! Your worst nightmare came true! Bravo to Governor Gavin Newsome of California. Newsome just proposed a gun law that would be modeled on the Texas one. Sucks when you have to take your own medicine.

Bottom Line

In simple English, SB 8 is a nasty law. It completely ignores established Constitutional Law, exempts itself from any Judicial Review, and deputizes citizens to become Abortion Bounty Hunters to enforce a law that in fact violates Constitutional Rights. Not to mention it silences women’s rights.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, consider this thought: If women are stripped of their Constitutional Right to Abortion and Reproductive Rights, what is the next right women will lose? The right to vote? What about rights that are not protected by the Constitution? What if a State wants to enact a law that prevents women from attending college or driving an automobile?

I betcha did not think women could be stripped of those rights. If it happens in other countries where women’s rights are restricted, why not here?

If SB 8 is constitutional, a State is empowered to enact any law that is not subject to judicial review. Frightening to say the least. What is to become of the good ‘ole U.S. of A.?

The Supreme Court, as a result of its inaction to declare SB 8 unconstitutional, has caused this matter to spiral out-of-control. The Conservative Justices, by their own doing, are making this Court impotent.

The Constitution is a living document. The ‘Founding Fathers,’ the Men (no women) who wore the wigs, were actually forward thinking human beings. They purposefully drafted the Constitution to grow with our nation, not against it. They founded this country to not be ruled by the absolute power of one ruler; they wanted to spread power among different ‘branches’ of government for ‘checks and balances;’ and they wanted to separate Church and State.

The Supreme Court is a separate and distinct arm of government. It should unequivocally not be political. In modern times, it should rise above all the bullshit that occurs in Washington and this Country.

Thank you. I rest my case.

MAHALO MAUI!

Maui baby!

You guessed it! We are goin’ to Maui! Like OMG! So exciting!

It has been so long since we have been on a real family vacation!

Excuse me? So sorry, I believe I did not hear y’all correctly. Living in a pandemic lockdown with your family is NOT a vacation. At least it was not for me; the laundry, the meals, the toilet washing, the scrubbing of the shower walls with a mop… ah, the good ‘ole family bonding days.

Oy vey! Dahling, don’t get me started.

Pandemic/Schmandemic!

Surprised I am taking a vacation? Like duh, I know there is still a pandemic. I know the COVID numbers are rising all over the country.

But wait. When I was in Arizona for Thanksgiving, there was no pandemic. So odd. Right? Scouts honor. No one wore a mask; masks were not required to do anything. Didn’t even have to show a vaccine card to dine inside a restaurant. They are so lucky.

As a matter of fact, when I did wear a mask inside a restaurant, I could swear I saw someone go for their gun. Well, you know, Arizona is an ‘open carry’ state. Talk about feelin’ like the odd one out. Not because I did not carry a gun, but because I wore a mask. It was like I was from Mars or something.

Well, not Mars, just drove in from Los Angeles.

It is amazing how COVID is only in certain areas, of certain states in this country, not to mention the rest of the world. Arizona must be protected by a dome, like the ones you see in movie or a tv show. I just don’t know.

COVID Dice Roll

As the first round of COVID vaccines were rolling out this year, we were dreamin’ of Maui.

Planning a COVID vacation is akin to askin’ yourself, “do I feel lucky today?” Sure, in February, I kinda felt COVID lucky.

I just received my second COVID shot, and life was starting to look pretty, pretty, pretty good.

I thought COVID would be in my rear-view mirror by December. Yes, I thought the pandemic would be over soon. Hey, can’t a mama dream?

So, I threw caution to the win, and rolled the COVID dice. I am such the risk taker. Always seeking adventure!

I did what any fully vaccinated person would do…plan a trip to Hawaii! And no, I did not buy COVID trip insurance; COVID was supposed to be over in a few months.

Wait a second. I betcha an unvaccinated person in a place where there was ‘no COVID’, was planning the same trip! So cool!

Mahalo!

In February, even though travel to Hawaii was closed to tourists, I was not the only person who had the brilliant idea to go to Hawaii in December.

Goodness, gracious! Many hotels were almost fully booked. In fact, Christmas week was sold-out. Hello, this was only February.

The race was on! I rented a condo; bought plane tickets; and rented a car. And by the by, I nearly fainted when I learned the cost of a rental car. I could buy a new car for that price. Sure, the car rental companies all cried the COVID song. Boo hoo. Low inventory; shortage of cars. Yeah, right. Cry me a river Avis.

Variants

By May, the entire family was fully vaccinated. Thank you Pfizer. Life was good. We could all breathe a sigh of relief.

And then came the Variants, christened with Greek names. Delta and now Omicron, a new one that you can catch a second time. COVID is really akin to shiat on a shoe. It just doesn’t go away.

The thought that COVID was over, was just a tease. Oy! All I could think about was whether the Hawaii trip was on or off? Did Hawaii ever re-open to tourists? And of course, damn. I did not buy trip insurance.

But wait… then came the third shot — the booster! Life was good again!

Huzzah! The Hawaii trip was back on! Well…it was never off. But, in the wonderful world of COVID, one never knows when a Country closes these days.

COVID Vacations!

COVID vacations are so much fun! Have you ever tried one? They are the new ‘rave’. Everybody is just dying to take a COVID trip. Frankly, just talk of this leaves me breathless.

COVID Travel Plans

Travelling to Hawaii is like travelling to another country. Apparently, Hawaii does have COVID cases. It is not immune to COVID like Arizona or Florida. To step foot in Hawaii you either show proof of a legitimate COVID Vaccine Card, or you must quarantine for a 10-day mandatory period.

You know it sistah! I opted to enroll my family in the Safe Hawaii Travel Program and uploaded our vaccine cards to receive a QR code on our phones to show at the airport.

In addition to packing bathing suits and flip flops, I packed heavy duty masks for the plane, and regular masks for every-day wear. I know, such a forward thinker.

The Airport

It never fails. There are always a few people that just won’t wear their mask in an airport. Hmmm. Are these mask-less people trying to make a point? Is there a specific reason they choose to defy a governmental order that was issued for health and safety purposes?

Oh, I know… they must be immune to COVID. No, I don’t think so. Do they have a health problem that prohibits them from wearing a mask? No, I don’t think so. And no, I did not see them pulling along an oxygen tank. Also, no cane or walker.

Are they making a political statement? I don’t know. Does COVID only infect people who hold specific religious or political beliefs? I don’t think so.

I think COVID is a non-denominational, non-partisan virus that gladly welcomes everyone to their petri-dish Kingdom.

My point: I hope that person is not getting on my plane. But of course, he did.

Stay tuned for Gay’s Maui Adventure!