Category: Uncategorized

The Duke Blue Devil

Big question: Did you apply to Duke? Duke released regular decisions last night, April 5, 2020 at 7pm EST.

This morning, approximately 42,467 high school students woke up knowing they will not attend Duke in the fall.

Many of the students who were rejected from Duke regular decision, now are waiting to hear from the Ivy’s later today.

The Class of 2025 and the Avalanche of College Applications

As I have noted in previous articles, this year was an epic avalanche of regular decision applications to U.S. colleges.

Yes, high school seniors wanted to expand their horizons beyond their childhood hot pink or baby boy blue bedrooms they lived in 24/7 for the lost year of 2020.

The pandemic not only affected everyday life, but profoundly impacted applications to the Class of 2025 and subsequent acceptances.

In previous articles, I have written about the ‘why’ this phenomenon has occurred. This is the year to watch and learn from. As the regular decision cycle 2020–2021 peaks with Duke University releasing its regular decision notifications on April 5, and the Ivy League Colleges releasing today, April 6, we will see how the proverbial ‘chips fall’.

The bottom line for the 2020–2021 college application cycle: Show me the admit numbers at each college when the dust settles.

Duke’s Low Admit Rate is the Precursor for the Fate of Ivy League Applicants

Brace yourself kids, and parents too. I previously wrote this admissions year was going to be a ‘bloodbath’. And it is. In simple terms, when Duke accepts regular decision 4.3%, that means 96% of applicants were rejected. I know, I am a math genius!

The top Ivy’s such as Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Penn, blah blah blah, will reflect similar admit rates. Oh, and let’s not forget Stanford who reports on April 9. You can be sure that number will be lower than 5%. Totally mind-blowing dude.

Unpleasant News for Applicants

As reality sets in and top schools report their admission numbers, I am sad. I sincerely feel bad for all the students who have worked hard academically in and out of the classroom, pursued a variety of extracurricular activities for the better part of their adolescence, and trudged through the pandemic.

It is simply not fair. Right? I know you agree with me.

Excessive Numbers of Eager High School Seniors Unequivocally Amplified the Problem that has Plagued College Admissions Every Year.

The same qualified and overqualified students applied to the same top colleges. Even the ‘aspirational ‘student’ (the kid that had no chance in hell for acceptance) threw their hat in the ring.

What was the game changer this year? What caused the avalanche of applications? Ah…This year was test optional. And DUH! The smart kid who did not boast perfect test scores, seized this opportunity to apply to a top college that would typically be out of reach.

Think about it. In a ‘normal’ admission cycle, an applicant with a 4.3 GPA in AP classes, extraordinary EC’s, and a 28 ACT score, would get rejected to a top college (primarily due to the low score).

When the test score is removed as a requirement, the admissions landscape is altered. It will be interesting to see how future admissions cycles will address the test score requirement.

Duke Regular Decision Class of 2025

Let’s cut to the chase: We need to know what facts and numbers led to Duke’s record low admit rate. This information is important, because all top colleges, including the Ivy’s will evaluate similar data.

On April 5, 2021, Duke University Dean of Undergraduate Admissions Christoph Guttentag discussed Regular Decision applications to the Class of 2025 in an email to the Duke Chronicle:

1. Duke Class of 2025 had 44,481 Regular Decision Applicants.

2. Duke Class of 2025 had a 25.4% increase in applications (35,478 applicants Class 2024).

3. Duke Class of 2025 Admitted 2,014 Regular Decision Applicants.

4. Duke Class of 2025 Admit Rate 4.3%.

5. 44% of Applicants to Duke Class of 2025 did NOT submit ACT/SAT Test Scores.

6. 43% increase of International Student Applicants to Duke Class of 2025.

7. Duke Target Class Size Class of 2025 is 1,720.

8. Duke Class of 2025 had record 5,036 Early Decision Applicants.

9. Duke Class of 2025 Admitted 840 Early Decision applicants.

Ivy League Applicants

There is not much left to say at this point, other than good luck.

WISEWORDS: A college does not define a person; the individual defines the college. Attend the college that will foster your intellectual and social growth in a setting that is conducive to your subjective needs.

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!

This is the tale of the desperate high school student, her fairy godmother, and some magical fairy dust.

Once upon a time, a high school student was spotted by her fairy godmother walking home from school. The young woman was a brilliant student. She had a perfect GPA and test scores, compelling references, and boasted unique Extra-Curricular Activities (EC’s). In fact, she was an accomplished violinist and wrote the code for a social media app she created. She also contributed to developing the COVID Vaccine. This young woman was the ‘real deal’.

Despite all of these successes, she was suffering. She recently applied to 12 top colleges and feared she would get rejected from all these schools.

The pimply faced student was a nervous wreck and believed her entire life was dependent upon getting not just to a top college, but an elite college. The fairy godmother understood all too well that while this young woman held the world in her hand, she was afraid of ‘not being good enough’ in the eyes of her peers and parents.

The wise fairy godmother knew that this impressionable, overachieving young woman placed too much emphasis on getting accepted to a ‘fabled’ ‘prestigious’ ‘elite’ college.

In fact, the fairy godmother believed that a college or university does not define a person, but it is the person who defines the academic institution.

The fairy godmother wanted to help and offered this young woman a small amount of fairy dust to make one wish. This was not the first time this fairy godmother came upon a competitive high school student and their singular vision of attending an elite college. She simply wrote these kids off as ‘meshugganah’.

What is a little fairy dust to a godmother? Why not grant one magical wish to give a bit of confidence!

If you were a desperate high school student who wanted to attend a top college, what would you wish for?

1. The End of World Hunger?

2. Peace on Earth?

3. Equal Pay?

4. The End of Racial Inequality?

5. The End of COVID?

Hell no!

It is important to note this student is not a callous person and does wish the world good fortune. In fact, this student founded several humanitarian charitable organizations to exemplify her leadership and passion towards global issues, which were identified on her Extra-Curricular Activities (EC’s) list.

Let us get back to the wish. This desperate student’s only wish was to get accepted to Princeton or Duke University.

The godmother placed a small amount of fairy dust in the palm of the young woman’s hands. She closed her eyes, made a wish and blew the dust away.

Lo and behold, there was a flash of light and the young woman fell to the ground and proclaimed “hallelujah’! Yes, she literally ‘saw the light’. You betcha baby, the Admissions Goddess appeared.

The Admissions Goddess Words of Wisdom

And wouldn’t you like to know what the Goddess said!

The Admissions Goddess told the young woman that the applicants to the class of 2025 possess extraordinary academic excellence and personal accomplishment in and outside of the classroom.

However, this year is unlike any other application year. COVID has turned our world upside down. We all have dealt with the loss or illness of a family member or friend. The innocence of childhood has been derailed.

Despite this global upheaval, the student community continues to exhibit an enormous amount of resilience. It is believed by many that this generation of student has the capacity to be our best generation.

Higher institutions also recognize this generation to be plagued by stress, burnout and anxiety. Indeed, these kids are presented with serious and emotional challenges.

This is to be taken seriously. All nation’s top universities are grappling with this new demand of complex mental health challenges of stress, anxiety and depression and their overall effect on academics, future career paths, and the fulfillment of life in general.

All students must understand that it is more important for them to attend a college or university that can help them negotiate and navigate these mental health challenges. The student ought to attend the school that is willing to adapt to meet the needs of their student body to help them unlock their ultimate potential.

WISEWORDS: Attend the College or University that will allow the student to grow emotionally, socially and academically.

Now is not the time to focus on the elite named college, the Louis Vuitton bag. We all need to heal emotionally and physically from this pandemic.

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!

I’m baaaaack! I know, you missed me. My Concierge business is-a-boomin’!

Ms. Popular

I have never been more popular. Perhaps it is due to my good looks, or the new shade of lipstick called ‘you want me baby’.

I don’t know if everyone wants ME or wants a COVID vaccine. All I know, is that people are constantly texting me, slipping notes under my door, and calling me.

Where were all these people when I was in high school? To think of the years and years of therapy that could have been avoided!

A Dose of Reality

Goddam COVID vaccine — impossible to schedule an appointment.

Enter Gay’s Concierge Service! My husband calls me a dog without bone — so loving, right? I am determined to score a vaccine for anyone who wants one.

Since January, I now have over 100 vaccine notches on my belt. A textbook case of OCD!

I am scheduling appointments all day and night. When I get up to pee at 1am, 2am, 3am (yes, that often), I check my phone to see if I can grab an appointment for someone. And yes, I sit there in my office, on the grand toilet, booking vaccinations at 2am.

Yes, I am exhausted, the pay sucks, and I am always looking for that next available appointment.

And why not?

The Solution: Acts of Kindness

In order to resume a ‘new normal’, we must help each other. As my friend Jennifer told me years ago, ‘you must be part of the solution, not part of the problem’.

Amen. Inspirational words that I recite every day. This is a time to help other human beings. Not to judge or hate.

I schedule appointments for people that are orange, purple, green and come from Mars. What do I care? I have never met most of the people, and so what?

All I know is everyone is hard working, kind, and loves their family. Some people have serious underlying health conditions, other people still grieve over the loss of a loved one due to COVID. I scored a vaccine for my friend Kristin at midnight, and a few hours later she was on the road at 6am driving over 100 miles to get her first dose. Other people like Jeff (age 62), texted me “you just changed everything about my future thank you! There are tears in my eyes…Thank you so much!

Then there is my sistah Lori. Oy… The self-proclaimed COVID Hermit, who followed every safety precaution. While I was searching for an appointment for her, she got COVID. Horrible. Talk about Jewish guilt. The good news is that she recovered, although it took a few weeks.

I finally scheduled her first dose last week — Lori felt she won the lottery and cried. She is a smart person, appreciates science and data. The opportunity to be vaccinated was symbolic — to be able to be united with our parents who are in their mid-80s.

What a true blessing to help people unconditionally.

Please get a vaccine! I really need to stop wearing a mask and finally get fillers on the lower part of my face.

Cheers!

Hey Girlfriends! What is the good word these days? Did your genius get accepted to their #1 choice college?

Regular Decisions Rolling In

You betcha baby! Parents are learning which colleges accepted and rejected their offspring. As I reported in previous articles, there will be a record number of shattered egos this year. I am talking parents, not their kids.

It will be a real shiat show. I can’t even imagine. If junior does not get accepted to Harvard, what was the point of the years of groveling to get your kid accepted to an elite nursery school, paying private school tuition, the donations, the tutors, the tennis lessons, yada yada yada. Really. All to go to a regular, no-name college. Oh, the shame of it all.

Slim to No Chance in Hell of Acceptance

Fuggetabout it! Most applicants will get rejected from their dream college. Way too many applicants, and simply not enough first year seats.

Hell yes, parents will be wanting to bury their heads in the sand. I predict mom and dad will not be bragging about the multiple elite colleges their kids got accepted to this year. In fact, they will be lucky if junior gets the nod from one top college.

Ivy League Decision Day

I know y’all are still waiting to hear from the Ivy League schools! The Ivy’s are allegedly releasing regular decision letters on April 6, 2021 at 7pm EST. However, word on the street is that at least one Ivy has notified accepted students. Shhhh.

Word travels fast, and I am confident desperate parents know which Ivy I am talking about.

Elite College Regular Decision Country Club Conversational Etiquette

When parents are at a fancy schmancy cocktail party at their swanky country club, they cannot be blindsided when other parents start chatting about college acceptances. Sadly, you can’t run away, however the best defense is a great offense. Know what to expect and be prepared. Follow these helpful hints:

1. Appearance is everything!

2. Remember, it is all about you! You, mama, need to look your best!

3. Make sure you are glammed up with Botox and filler.

4. Wear your COVID mask and sunglasses everywhere you go. A great aid to hide your emotions and not reveal your kid’s acceptance/rejection cards to your friends.

5. Play Stupid. You know nothing. Your kid has not heard from Columbia yet.

6. Drink any alcohol of your choice. Just sedate yourself.

7. Try to stay calm. Call my friend Linda and ask her for a klonopin.

8. Repeat After me, tell everyone ‘we still have not heard from the Ivy’s yet…”

9. When asked which colleges your kid has been accepted to, say ‘excuse me, I have to take this call’, and politely walk (not run) away!

This will all be over in a few days. When UCLA receives 140,000 regular decision applicants, all bets are off. Mama, you did the best you could.

Celebrate life! Cheers!

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!

Shhhh… my birthday is coming up. Time for this girl to prepare to welcome in yet another birthday year.

Oy, and let me tell you, I need lots of prep time this year.

I took a good look at myself in the mirror this morning, and almost fainted. I was frightened by my (yes, my) reflection. Simply horrifying what I look like at 4:00am.

Did I make you blink? Yes, I get up every day at 4:00am. Who do you think unloads the dishwasher, bakes homemade corn muffins and bread every day? But wait… this article is NOT about food; it is about what I am doing for ME in anticipation of MY birthday!

Beverly Hills Birthday

Well girlfriends, it really is that wonderful to wake up in Beverly Hills to celebrate another birthday.

The sun! The Palm trees! The beautiful people! The bling! The designers!

However, there is simply so much to do to welcome in yet another birthday. It takes a village to go up against Mother Nature. Damn, she is a tough biatch.

No worries! I have an arsenal of experts to help combat the effects of aging! So many people to call, so little time left to whip this aging body into shape.

1. Firm Body Baby

The first person that pops up on my speed dial is my BFF… Tracy Anderson. Lucky me, right? Go figure my friend is THE fitness trainer to the Stars.

OMG! If it were not for Tracy, I would be plagued with a sagging ass, love handles that would resemble bilateral sausage links, and a stomach that would make me look six months pregnant.

Thanks to her workout regimen for over 15 years, I can actually get out of bed, and wear a bikini at the beach. Not bad for a soon to be 57-year-old mama. Gracias Tracy!

2. No More Gray Hair

As I live and breathe, at this very moment, I am sitting in a fancy salon in Beverly Hills, addressing a gray hair or two, by my Colorist Marcus Georgiou, then my hair stylist Joseph Kendall. Bless their souls, true artisans.

3. Face

My face is challenging. I do not know where to begin. I woke up the other day (thank god) and could not find my eyebrows. They literally disappeared. I have no idea when this happened… where did they go? Is this yet another side-effect of menopause?

The big mistake I made was looking at my eyes. Never should have started. Tiny lines have been popping up under my eyes, and they brought baggage with them. Yes, the dark bags. Girlfriends, I know, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Shiat! This aging crap never ends! And I have not even begun to talk about crepe skin. I am sorry, I never signed up for this. Just gross! I am starting to look like my grandma Sylvia. How can this be?

I decided to hold off on seeing my dermatologist until next month. I mean really, what’s the point? I am still wearing a mask, who’s lookin’ at me?

However, I did drop by the Chanel make-up counter at Neiman Marcus to get some new face paint to freshen up this old façade. Unfortunately, there is only so much under-eye concealer can accomplish!

Wish me luck! A week to go before I add another year to my age!

Cheers!

An Open Letter to Parents of the Class of 2025

Oh yeah baby! It is that time of year! Elite US Colleges will begin to release their regular decision notifications to class of 2025 applicants this week.

Welcome to Gay’s World, where we have been there, done that when it comes to college admissions. We have experienced the incredible thrill of victory, and the agonizing agony of defeat.

We parents must come together as we await the fate of our beloved offspring, our cherubs, yes, our children. We must form a prayer circle, as we pray to the College Admissions Gods to accept our prized possessions to their elite colleges.

My fellow brethren, let’s face it. The gloves are off. This is D-Day. Your livelihood as a parent is on the line. Your kid applying to college is not about them, it is all about you. We know it’s true.

An acceptance to an elite college is every parent’s dream come true. Your child’s acceptance to a Harvard or Yale is the ultimate validation of parenthood. The swag that accompanies this golden ticket is the Instagram ‘shout-out’ to friends, the bumper sticker on your Range Rover, and the tee-shirt.

Now is the time for my fellow over-zealous parents to anesthetize themselves, in a futile attempt to minimize the anxiety that accompanies ‘waiting’ to hear from the twenty colleges your kid applied regular decision to.

Rest assured, I know you have done everything within your power to get your kid accepted to your, I mean their, dream elite college. You have sacrificed so much of your own life to create a brilliant, accomplished, super-child. A Harvard, Penn, or Yale would be foolish not to admit your kid to the class of 2025.

Fellow parents, just take a deep-breath, relax, do a down-ward dog yoga pose, chug a vodka, and repeat the mantra “I know she will get accepted”.

I wish you all luck!

We will circle back with this conversation when the dust settles!

Cheers!

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!

Sylvia and Abe are coming for dinner! And… staying for the weekend. Yes, their first sleep-over in one year. Lucky me.

The recent headline on the New York Times front page read “President’s Goal: July 4 gatherings with close family”. I ask you: Isn’t that special? Oy vey.

We all get to be one happy family under one roof once again. Think about. Parents, stepfathers, wicked stepmothers, spouses, partners, kids, grandkids, aunts, uncles, cousins, dogs, cats. If I left anyone off this list, you can be sure one of these cast of characters will be pissed at me.

Welcome to Gay’s World! In family situations, always behind the eight ball, can’t run away far enough. Body armor is useless. Family members’ attacks are subtle — it is an emotional and mental warfare. Too many personalities. Too many emotional issues. Too much drama. Too many grudges. Way too much baggage.

The upside of COVID: No family arguments, because there were no family gatherings.
A one-year respite. I know… you are thinking, ‘Gay, you are such a bitch’.

Oh, come on now. This is NOT unique. Sadly, my family, is your family. What can we do? Not much.

The Grandparents are Fully Vaccinated

That’s right. The Grandparents are fully vaccinated and are running into the opened arms of their families.

The honeymoon of familial peace and harmony should last about a day. If we are lucky.

Let the games begin!

Prepare to Weep!

It is that time of year again boys and girls. Top Colleges are sending out Regular Decision Letters for the Class of 2025! Get the Kleenex ready for the kids, vodka for the parents.

The big question: Who got accepted, rejected or waitlisted?

Unfortunately, the Dean of Undergraduate Admissions probably did not extend an invitation to you to attend their college. So sad.

Please do not be mad at me. I don’t make the rules, I am merely the messenger.

The college admissions cycle for 2021 was truly like none other. This year, early decision and now regular decision applications broke all previous records at most top colleges.

The eagerness of current high school seniors to apply to top colleges resulted in an avalanche of applications which took most, if not all, Deans of Admissions by surprise.

The COVID pandemic not only turned daily life upside-down, but also created a surge in applications. Who knew?

High School Seniors threw caution to the wind, rolled the dice, and applied to colleges that were longshots.

You betcha baby! These kids threw hail Mary’s to countless top colleges, praying that the Dean of Admissions would mistakenly accept them.

Ha! One small problem: The Dean does not make mistakes. True.

I for one cannot blame these students for at least trying to hit the lottery. One of my many mottos in the college application process is ‘Go Big or Go Home’. If a student is absolutely qualified to apply to a top college, then by all means do so. However, have a few ‘safe’ schools thrown into the mix.

These high school students suffered, along with the rest of us. Due to the pandemic, they lost a year of school and were stuck in the house for a year with their family. I pity them and their parents. What a tough year indeed. These kids get a high five for trying.

What to Expect this Admissions Cycle

MIT is always the first top college to release regular decision notifications on Pi Day. If you never heard of Pi Day, then I know you did not apply to MIT.

FYI, Pi Day is the annual celebration of the mathematical constant Pi observed on March 14.

This year, the ‘other’ top colleges such as Duke, Princeton, Harvard and Stanford (to name a few), will start sending their regular decision letters by the end of March through the first week of April.

You know it sister! This means everyone has to ‘sweat it out’ for a few more weeks until the regular decision letters are released.

My Acceptance/Rejection Prediction

I predict this year will be a ‘blood bath’; a disaster of epic proportions for students who truly aspire to attend a top college. Most students will get rejected. Trust me, a lot of tears will be shed when applicants receive their regular decision letters. These are not happy tears; these are sad rejection tears.

Why is my prediction so bleak? Way too many qualified applicants and not enough first year seats.

A brief review of MIT’s Early Action and Regular Decision stats for this year’s application cycle will be the precursor for how other top colleges will dole out acceptances/rejections.

MIT Class of 2025 Early Action Decision Stats

1. In 2020, a total of 15,036 students applied Early Action to the MIT Class of 2025.
2. 719 students accepted Early Action to MIT Class of 2025.
3. Do the math: In 2019 for the Class of 2024, MIT received a total of 9,291 Early Action applications. In one year, there was a 62% increase in total Early Action Applications to MIT.
4. Early Action Acceptance Rate MIT Class of 2025: 5%.

MIT Class of 2025 Regular Decision Stats

1. In 2021, A total of 33,240 students applied Early Action and Regular Decision to the MIT Class of 2025.
2. 621 students accepted Regular Decision to MIT Class of 2025.
3. 1340 total students accepted for Early Action and Regular Decision to MIT Class of 2025.
4. Do the math: In 2020 for the Class of 2024, MIT received a total of 20,075 Early and Regular Decision applications. In one year, there was a 66% increase in Total Applications to MIT.

It is important to note that MIT accepted over half the Class of 2025 via Early Action. The problem: More than 23,000 students applied for only 619 first year seats Regular Decision. Based on the number of applicants this application cycle, the odds for acceptance were already against students who applied regular decision to MIT. Look at the numbers!

Keep in mind, the above scenario will be played out at every top college this year. The only difference will be the number of total students that applied regular decision at each school. In comparison to other top colleges, MIT’s application pool is typically smaller. For instance, last year, Duke University receive 39,783 total applicants (MIT 20,075 total applicants) for the class of 2024.

It is conceivable that top colleges this year had in excess of 40,000 to 50,000 applicants apply regular decision. Remember, the amount of first year seats at all these colleges remain the same.

It is becoming statistically impossible for any brilliant, highly qualified student to get accepted to a top college, particularly this year. Look at the numbers!

MIT Standard for Application Review

Of course, you want to know… How did MIT admissions review the largest number of applications they ever received? According to Chris Petersen SM ’13 at MIT, ‘we carefully subjected all applicants to the same standard of attentive, empathetic, holistic review.’

Please note that all colleges will apply a similar review to all applications this year.

WISEWORDS: GOOD LUCK!

For additional insight on the college admissions process, please check out my book on Amazon!

Your Beckon Call Girl!

Welcome to Gay’s Concierge COVID Vaccine Service! We make dreams come true.

You know it sister — it is impossible to score a COVID vaccine. Welcome to Gay’s World! In addition to my COVID responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, pandering to my husband and children, and coping with menopause, I now have a side hustle.

I need to earn cash for shopping at TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack!

I am your personal COVID Vaccine Concierge Coordinator. These are desperate times, which call for desperate measures. Everyone wants a vaccine, but you can’t get one. And when you know someone got a vaccine, then you want one even more!

Vaccine Cocktease

The Merriam-Webster definition of cocktease is “someone who excites a male sexually and then refuses intercourse”.

First, bravo to Merriam-Webster for not assigning gender to the cockteaser. In the past, women were labeled as the cockteaser. We have progressed as a society!

Did anyone ever think that the COVID vaccine is a cocktease? I do all the time. It is not that I have sex on my mind all the time. Not these days, thanks to menopause.

However, the only wait out of this COVID hell is to get a vaccine.

All my friends feel the same way. So, what is the problem you ask? Each U.S. state sets forth specific vaccine eligibility criteria. First you have to meet these eligibility requirements. You think that is easy? Hell no!

If you are 85 years old, it is a slam dunk to get a vaccine in every state in the U.S. That is fantastic. However, if you are 64 years old and have cancer, you are eligible for the vaccine in New York, but NOT in California. And you are not allowed to vaccine shop from state to state, because there are state residency requirements. Only in America, right?

The other problem is scheduling an appointment. As we all know, old geezers are totally not computer savvy. And then there are the ‘younger peeps’. Yes, they live on the internet, however, they have no patience whatsoever.

When your state gives you the mafia nod that you are eligible for a COVID vaccine, then you have to figure out the ‘how to find and schedule a vaccine online’. I have two words for everyone: Good Luck.

Good Luck in finding an appointment. All locations always post ‘no appointments available’. Which is a total turn-off, and everyone just gives up trying to get an appointment.

In Gay’s world, I took matters into my own hands, and the COVID Vaccine Concierge was born. Family and friends could not get a COVID appointment, and it certainly was not for lack of trying.

In nearly two months, I have secured countless vaccine appointments on both coasts of the U.S. It is a relentless process, but we must stop the spread of this insidious virus. Hey, I even scored a shot for someone when I went to the bathroom at 3:00 in the morning. It is a good thing I pee every two hours in the middle of the night!

What do I get out of working 24/7 to find vaccine appointments? I get peace of mind knowing I helped another human being. Telling a friend, family member, acquaintance they have a COVID vaccine appointment is like giving them a million dollars. Really. Everyone is overwhelmed with sheer happiness. They just want to live a full life once again.

The truth is, I refuse to get screwed by this COVID vaccine cockteaser.

I am fed up with quarantine, social-distancing, and not being with the people I love. However, COVID has come in handy as a great excuse to avoid seeing people you can’t stand!

Please, get vaccinated, wear a mask, and pray for a normal summer. I want my old geezer parents who are in their 80s to participate in my son’s graduation from college this spring. The graduation was canceled, but hopefully, we can be under one roof as a family at my home to celebrate life and all it has to offer.

Where are my gowns? I need my Jimmy Choo stilettos! Bring me my diamonds! Have you seen my fake tits?

It is awards season in Beverly Hills! Time to Party! Just one small problem. I never get invited to those ‘swanky’ celebrity shin digs. So sad to be a nobody.

This year is different! There will be no fancy schmancy parties, no canoodling over cocktails. No red-carpet parades of the beautiful Hollywood stars dressed in the latest and greatest haute couture. No nothin’ due to COVID.

All is not lost, girlfriends! After watching the not so mesmerizing Golden Globes virtual award show, it is a no brainer that everyone can attend these shows this year. Even me.

Hell yeah! I scored make-believe tickets to the Oscars. In fact, scoring make-believe tickets to a virtual show is easier than getting an appointment for a COVID vaccine on Long Island, NY.

You betcha! I received my make-believe invitation, rsvp’d, and I am attending! GAY is going, and in GAY’s world, I am the new Hollywood starlet on the block!

For the first time, ever, I get to walk down a red carpet. I plan to personalize my Oscar moment. I will transform my galley kitchen into a red-carpet runway. I found a great red rug on wayfair.com, and it fits perfectly between the kitchen sink and the stove.

My husband and sons will be the paparazzi, and they will all be elbowing each other to not only get a glimpse of me as I prance past the refrigerator but will do anything to catch a photo of me walking past the oven. My neighbor Linda will be screaming my name in hopes of getting my autograph.

My attire will be flawless. I still do not have a gown yet, but I am not concerned. I have been scouring the aisles at T.J. Maxx for weeks now, in search of that amazing designer gown.

You know it, sister. I am a true T.J. Maxx Maxxinista and am obsessed with finding that $2,000 gown marked down to $149. My mantra is ‘I think I can, I know I can find that deal and have a ‘Maxx moment’!

I ask you girls; don’t you love that adrenaline rush when you find a bargain??

If I cannot find a new dress, there is always Plan B. I will have to suck it up and wear a dress I wore to one of my son’s Bar Mitzvah’s from ten years ago. This could pose a serious fashion faux pax: would anyone know that I wore this dress before? I would be mortified if anyone knew…

Things to do before I attend the Oscars: Hair, make-up, lose ten pounds, and find that dress!

Stay tuned…