Shhhh… my birthday is coming up. Time for this girl to prepare to welcome in yet another birthday year.

Oy, and let me tell you, I need lots of prep time this year.

I took a good look at myself in the mirror this morning, and almost fainted. I was frightened by my (yes, my) reflection. Simply horrifying what I look like at 4:00am.

Did I make you blink? Yes, I get up every day at 4:00am. Who do you think unloads the dishwasher, bakes homemade corn muffins and bread every day? But wait… this article is NOT about food; it is about what I am doing for ME in anticipation of MY birthday!

Beverly Hills Birthday

Well girlfriends, it really is that wonderful to wake up in Beverly Hills to celebrate another birthday.

The sun! The Palm trees! The beautiful people! The bling! The designers!

However, there is simply so much to do to welcome in yet another birthday. It takes a village to go up against Mother Nature. Damn, she is a tough biatch.

No worries! I have an arsenal of experts to help combat the effects of aging! So many people to call, so little time left to whip this aging body into shape.

1. Firm Body Baby

The first person that pops up on my speed dial is my BFF… Tracy Anderson. Lucky me, right? Go figure my friend is THE fitness trainer to the Stars.

OMG! If it were not for Tracy, I would be plagued with a sagging ass, love handles that would resemble bilateral sausage links, and a stomach that would make me look six months pregnant.

Thanks to her workout regimen for over 15 years, I can actually get out of bed, and wear a bikini at the beach. Not bad for a soon to be 57-year-old mama. Gracias Tracy!

2. No More Gray Hair

As I live and breathe, at this very moment, I am sitting in a fancy salon in Beverly Hills, addressing a gray hair or two, by my Colorist Marcus Georgiou, then my hair stylist Joseph Kendall. Bless their souls, true artisans.

3. Face

My face is challenging. I do not know where to begin. I woke up the other day (thank god) and could not find my eyebrows. They literally disappeared. I have no idea when this happened… where did they go? Is this yet another side-effect of menopause?

The big mistake I made was looking at my eyes. Never should have started. Tiny lines have been popping up under my eyes, and they brought baggage with them. Yes, the dark bags. Girlfriends, I know, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Shiat! This aging crap never ends! And I have not even begun to talk about crepe skin. I am sorry, I never signed up for this. Just gross! I am starting to look like my grandma Sylvia. How can this be?

I decided to hold off on seeing my dermatologist until next month. I mean really, what’s the point? I am still wearing a mask, who’s lookin’ at me?

However, I did drop by the Chanel make-up counter at Neiman Marcus to get some new face paint to freshen up this old façade. Unfortunately, there is only so much under-eye concealer can accomplish!

Wish me luck! A week to go before I add another year to my age!


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