Six Days to Virtual Oscars!

Oh yes girlfriends, I am on a mission: I need to be red hot ready for the Virtual Oscars.

6 days to go… and counting.

Not much time remains to get this ‘ole body smokin’ hot. I am not desperate. Not yet!

The Face

As we all know, cosmetics can do only so much to camouflage an aging face. I am preachin’ to the choir girlfriends!

Let’s face it (no pun intended) to conceal, hide, those lines under your eyes. The makeup gets caked into those crevices, and it looks like the Mojave desert.

Screw that. I have an appointment today at my dermatologist, Dr. Karyn Grossman. Let’s all join hands in a prayer circle that she can make those lines vanish.

At least for 4–6 months according to the disclaimer on the filler.

The Physique

I rode 35 miles on my spin bike this morning and worked out with weights. Did it make a dent? HELL NO! I am just not on par with Nicole, Jennifer, Halle, blah, blah, blah.

The Celebrity Fitness Trainer

Despite working out 2 hours a day, I must be doing something wrong. I can’t get rid of that muffin top.

Come on girlfriends, you know what I am referring to. Those handles that flank my stomach — there is no love there. I will need a full body Spanx to smooth out every lump and bump on this flawed body to fit into my TJ Maxx red carpet gown.

There is only one person I know who can help me so late in the game: TRACY. She is the GODdess of all fitness trainers! If she can get J. Lo Oscar ready, maybe she can help me. First I need her to respond to my text…

The Dress

The plan is to fit into the Oscar dress. One problem: I love Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream. No will power baby!

Yes, I am training for the Oscars. However, do you think I can just have one teaspoon and put the cover back on? HELL NO!

You betcha! I eat half a container at one clip! And why not? I rode 35 miles on the spin bike! I earned it!

The Photographer

It is the Oscars! I need a photoshoot! I could ask my husband to take a few pics- I DON’T THINK SO!

I am going to ask a professional photographer, my friend Franz Walderdorff. He works with beautiful models and actors who have thousands of followers on Instagram.

Although, Franz might say ‘no’, for fear I will crack his camera lens.

No worries. Y’all know that won’t happen. I need a true professional to capture the essence of moi, Gay. We are talkin’ about the virtual Oscars!

Stay tuned. So, few days left to prepare for the Virtual Oscars…

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