Tough Times for Angels
Oy vey! Bless their souls! Angels were tasked with the job of shepherding the class of 2025 college applicants through the admissions process this year.
Hundreds of thousands of high school seniors and their parents around the world called upon their guardian angels to help get accepted to their top choice college.
The big ASK this year was to get the golden ticket to an Ivy league college, Duke, Stanford, MIT, blah blah blah.
As we all know by now, this college admissions cycle was a ballbuster. Everyone was praying to the head honcho in heaven. You know who, the almighty, Queen of the Universe, HER! A.K.A. The GODdess.
Parents cried and prayed to HER over their chilled martinis at breakfast, lunch and dinner. They literally begged the GODdess, to get their child accepted to a top college.
High school seniors prayed only at night. Mind you their prayer time was a brief ‘shout out’ to the heavens. They were too busy texting and facetiming with friends, or binge watching a show on Netflix to reach out to HER. The applicants, our future, prioritized their ‘likes’ on social media over Harvard. Smart — they were the only ones who knew there was no chance in hell this year for an acceptance to a top college.
Admissions officers prayed during the day, when they were at work, to help them read tens of thousands of college applications. Let’s face it. You read one application; you’ve read them all.
The SAT/ACT tutors held hands in a zoom prayer session. Tutors begged HER to reinstate the standardized test requirement for admission to college for next year’s application cycle 2021–2022.
Angel Army Deployed!
The Queen of the Universe knew this was going to be the year of all years, where multiples of tens of thousands of overzealous applicants and parents wanted that admission to an elite college.
Blame this stampede on top colleges on COVID, which caused most colleges to go ‘Test Optional’ this year. Whatever.
What else is new in college admissions. The uptick in applications to top colleges has been increasing exponentially every new admissions cycle. Now we can say there is a ‘reason’!
The telephone calls and emails to heaven were crashing the G-O-D network on a daily basis.
Hey, the Queen of the Universe had more important concerns to address. I don’t know. Perhaps a pandemic and matters of life and death trump college admissions.
However, for the GODdess, no ‘ask’ is too outrageous. No ‘want’ is too big. SHE summoned the angels and tasked them with the responsibility of answering everyone’s admissions prayers.
Angel Assistance Hotline!
And Oh, my GODdess! As day became night, and night because day, the angels were crisscrossing the globe answering prayers. Unfortunately, the demand for guardian angels this college admissions cycle was akin to people hopelessly trying to find Charmin toilet paper.
Simple prayers quickly became cries for help. The need for angel assistance created significant staffing issues in heaven.
What was an angel to do? Send an email to the Queen of the Universe and ask for help.
Emergency Meeting with Deans of Admissions
Desperate times called for desperate measures. SHE summoned a zoom meeting with the Deans of Undergraduate Admissions at every elite U.S. College.
SHE cut to the chase. You betcha! The GODdess ticked off a list of reasons she believed created the current admissions mess:
1. U.S. World News & Report Annual College Rankings.
2. Every college reporting their annual admissions rate for acceptance.
3. Every elite and top college raising the bar for admission.
4. Every elite and top college creating an aura of exclusivity to attend their school.
5. Every top college improving food served at dining halls akin to a food court in an upscale mall.
6. Every top college upgrading dorm rooms to provide not only the comforts of home, but that of a five-star hotel.
7. And last but not least… as the result of creating all of the above, top colleges became massive corporations and relied not only on high tuition but needed large donations to keep this machine running.
The Dean’s Collective Response
Think about it for a moment. What could they say? “We’re sorry?”.
The Deans only run admissions at their respective schools and make the admissions decisions.
In truth, the Deans were not pleased with how this application cycle unfolded.
No Dean Could Predict:
- How COVID-19 would affect college admissions.
- How the introduction of a future COVID vaccine rollout would impact admissions.
- Anticipate the explosion of admissions at each top college due to the eventual end of a pandemic and standardized test-optional status.
As the 2020–2021 admissions regular decisions were being released, the Deans collectively recognized the hardships that all students endured during this pandemic. And, once again, were simply amazed at the amount of smart and talented students who applied en masse to their respective colleges.
However, the Deans lamented there were not enough freshman first year seats to accommodate all these applicants. Believe it or not, it is difficult for them to ‘turn away’ (a softer word for ‘reject’), thousands of applicants who are qualified to attend their school.
In fact, the Deans are just mere mortals, they are not a GODdess.
Regular Decision 2020–2021
As everyone knows by now, admissions this year has been a total shiat show. Relative to the total number of applicants, no one was accepted. Extremely disheartening to the qualified and compelling applicant. Sad but true.
Where are the Angels Now?
Where else would you expect these loyal angels, who aspired to answer each and every prayer and plea for help. The GODdess granted them a few weeks of R&R.
The Future of College Admissions
Let us pray. The only hope for a reduced ‘normal’ sized applicant pool is to require standardized tests for admission.
Test optional schools in theory is fair, particularly for those students who cannot afford the high costs of test prep. However, an admissions requirement of test optional, as we have witnessed this year, results in more unqualified students vying for an acceptance where one would normally be beyond reach.
Hopefully, next year’s admission cycle at top colleges will return to a more ‘normal’ level of applications. This will be accomplished by qualified and compelling applicants submitting standardized test scores for admission.
Lastly, the no-chance-in-hell student should not apply to a college that is totally out of reach. All applicants must have reasonable expectations when applying to a top college. Know the admissions requirements BEFORE applying!
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