SEXY MAMA: The Hamptons Bikini Ready


Pump it Kristin!

It is that time of year! Memorial Day is upon us!

The Hamptons

On the East Coast, Memorial Day is the ‘kick-off’ to the summer!

The fabled Hamptons, the playground of the legendary rich and famous are arriving on their private jets, helicopters, and limos.

The wanna be somethin’ folks are relegated to drivin’ in traffic in their Escalades. Izzy and Emma will be takin’ the Hampton Jitney. Tears for them; they will sit in 4 hours of traffic.

The Bikini Bod

My fellow mamas: Are you ready for the beach?

The real question: Can you even fit into a bikini? Better yet, can you fit into a bathing suit? Scary thoughts, right?

This is the summer of lovin’ my fellow mamas. Have you heard? According to my spiritual advisor, Dr. Fauci, folks who are fully vaccinated against COVID can get rid of that mask outside.

What a concept — this summer, you do not have to buy a mask that will coordinate with your bathing suit!

It was like just yesterday; I would be going to the beach and was required to wear a mask. And heavens to Betsy if you forgot your mask! In the Hamptons, the fashion statement was to wrap a towel around your face to be politically correct and compliant.

Last but not least, there was the search for the perfect spot to soak up the sun. Where to sit? Back in the heyday of the summer of COVID, bless those toney Hamptons folk who already staked out their ‘spot’ on the beach. Honey, it was as if they owned that shoreline.

My word! Those folks gave you the stare; you know that discerning, disapprovin’ look of ‘now don’t you be sittin’ within 20 feet of my chair, ‘or else’ look’. I mean this is the Hamptons, these folk mean businesses. They could serve you with a restraining order right there on the beach to move! Good thing I am an attorney! Oh, the struggles last summer.

No mo’ Hidin’!

Screw all that bullshiat!

We are back in the NY groove! However, I am confident that most mamas’ bods are not in a groove; perhaps a zig-zag!

Gay’s Gym is Opened!

In addition to everything that I do; I also am a workout mama Queen.

You betcha baby! I have decades of experience of pumpin’ iron (also pushing the iron, I like crisp clothing).

Oh yeah baby! I am bikini ready! Come to think of it, it will be scary to see a 57 year old mama in a bikini on a public beach. Eeeeck!! Run away! Scream shark so no one sees!

My First Client

Like clockwork, my first client has called me to work out with me. Under the guise of ‘let’s hang out and catch up’, she really wants to get hot mama bikini ready.

How do I know she wants to work out? She told me she already lost ten pounds! BINGO!

Mind you, this friend, has a real hot body. Oy vey, like do not sit next to me on the beach.

She has tits, hips, the real deal. In the best of times, I look like a kosher pickle. Just one curve (I am lopsided), no tits, no ass.

The Workout

Kristen arrived at my beloved DOJO, aka the gym at 8:15am. She was LATE by 15 minutes! Word! She has dissed the workout goddess!

The State of the Body

Where do we even begin? Just look at her! Gorgeous as ever…the problem is that my baby friend is turning 50 years old. So sad. It happens to the best of us. We simply wake up one morning (thank you Lord) and find a stomach bloat ball.

A thank you for giving birth to our precious children.


You betcha baby! I ordered my bestie to jump on the spin bike for 10 minutes. Then onto the mats for major core/abs strengthening. Finished with some free weights, then off you go!

The Plan

Lose 10 pounds in 2 months, and don that bikini on the Fourth of July!

Go Kristin! Go Kristin! Can she do this? Will she buckle under the spotlight?

To be continued…